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Friday, May 25, 2007 at 12:32 pm
As always in the world of business, there is a rational explanation for what seems to be an arbitrary scenario. A close analysis shows, in fact, that bigtime CEOs are generally worth the money they make, due to the extreme requirements (both operational and psychological) of their jobs. Even though our level of need may be the same or even higher, those who work for them are under far different burdens and are therefore worthy of less. Let me show you what I mean. Let’s take a CEO I’ll call Big Bob. He makes $5 million a year and gets an $8 million bonus plus long term compensation that will pay him $18 quadrillion by the time he’s 106, which is the mandatory retirement age for ultra-senior executives. Standing next to him for our demonstration is a fellow we’ll call Forbisher, who works for Bob, He makes $400,000 per year, gets a bonus of $250,000 and stock options that will help him pay off his son’s bicycle when they vest around the time that global warming destroys what’s left of the planet. Both compensation packages are fair and rational, and here’s why: Take CEO Bob’s base pay of $5,000,000. After Federal, local and state income taxes, medical and retirement withholding, alimony from two failed marriages and child support for not only his own children but also the six his second wife adopted from Sri Lanka immediately prior to their separation, and you’ll find that Bob’s take-home pay comes to slightly less than $850,000 per year. For this he must support an executive persona that places him in the room with guys whose investments throw off twelve figures. On that money, he is also expected to be a philanthropist, since nobody worth a lick these days isn’t giving away big blocks of income to Bono. Forbisher works hard, plays hard, and almost makes ends meet living in midtown Manhattan, Chicago or Santa Monica on take-home pay of about $200,000 a year. He has two kids in private schools, a house or apartment that costs $5000 a month, all-in. Once a year, he and his wife Barbara take a vacation at someplace nice. She also contributes income, of course, but finds it hard to work a 60-hour week with two kids to transport to and from school, ballet, piano and shiatsu classes. So both CEO Bob and senior executive Forbisher are just scraping by on their paychecks. Now let’s look at bonuses, which is what both of them live on, really. Big Bob’s pays for his self-image, long, tormented and virtually sleepless nights, and the fact that every move he makes is chronicled in 10Qs, 8Ks and the gossip and business pages. He also takes out a house every summer in some terrific location where he can see other parade balloon-sized moguls perambulating on the beach. He lives with the constant knowledge that, given the vagaries of Boards, SEC regulations and predatory journalists, it could all be over five minutes from now. At this moment, he has enough in the bank to pay for his lifestyle for the next year or so, but he would really miss the front table he now enjoys at his restaurant of choice more than anything else. Forbisher spends his bonus on upgrades to his house. By the end of the year, he’ll have a new patio and barbecue to show for it. He’d like the bonus that’s paid to his boss Bob, sure, but the last time he had his name in the paper, it gave him diarrhea for a week. As for long-term comp – stock options, restricted stock units, etc. – if they both make it for another ten years, they’ll each be fine at their perceived level of self-worth. Forbisher will probably get his payout when he’s ready to kick back and live the remainder of his life in somewhat reduced circumstances and increased happiness. Bob the CEO will most likely get it in the back of the neck when he least expects it, in one lump sum that could amount to, say, as much as a hundred million dollars. And how far does that go these days? See? Business is rational, right? Your entire analysis is irrational! What kind of garbage justification for CEO extremely FAT PAY is this? Which CEO are u getting greased on the side from? Posted By Bman Chandler, AZ : May 25, 2007 1:01 pm
Um, this article is way off and is a load of horse $#@%#$!! Those poor CEO’s making millions of dollars, meanwhile middle class people don’t even receive a raise that keeps up with the pace of inflation. Posted By Daniel, Bethlehem PA : May 25, 2007 1:02 pm
Are you serious? His pay is justified because he has to support ex-wifes and adopted kids? Give me a break. Posted By Morris De Rosa Greenville, SC : May 25, 2007 1:07 pm
Yes, and isn’t self-delusion a wonderful thing. It is tough to be a playa on 8 million bucks a year. I feel your pain. Ouch, Ouch, ouch. Where’s the really good Bordeaux? No, not that stuff, the really good stuff. What do you mean the help drank it? Communistas! Posted By Pablo, Miami, Florida : May 25, 2007 1:20 pm
Stanley Bing is amazing. He should produce a documentary – like Michael Moore – only not as offensive. Stanley Bing is GREAT! Posted By Anonymous : May 25, 2007 1:24 pm
Booo! This article lacks any substance. A complete waste of my time to read. Posted By Alex, Orlando, FL : May 25, 2007 1:26 pm
This massage is very stupit. since average people are getting paid 40,000 to 60,000 with a college degree and take home is only 27,000 to 38,000 after tax and IRA or pension. You want to say that Bob and Forbisher are poor after all? How may people can make 400,000 per year as Forbisher? you are saying that money is nothing?? How about the people who gets layoff, and collecting umemployment benefit for just $200 for a week? You wast of people’s time to read this Junk massage. Posted By Jen, NYC, NY : May 25, 2007 1:26 pm
I don’t think so Posted By K, San Jose, CA : May 25, 2007 1:28 pm
Another BS story trying to make us feel good about getting financially Raped. I’ll bet he thinks gas prices are fair too and the oil companies deserve the billions they make. Posted By Wade, St Roberts,MO : May 25, 2007 1:29 pm
This is one of the dumbest, illogical pieces that I’ve ever read on this topic. How about tying compensation in some fashion to performance of the company that is managed at such high prices? Posted By John Thompson, Manchester, CT : May 25, 2007 1:36 pm
That is pure nonsense. Posted By Anonymous : May 25, 2007 1:36 pm
If the CEO is that fiscally irresponsible with his own money why would you want him/her to manage the resources of a huge organization? Its nuts! Fire them! They are hired for personality not performance. Get a fiscally responsibe CEO consitent with a Bill Gates or Warren Buffett. Posted By Bruce, Portland, Oregon : May 25, 2007 1:38 pm
Taking jest out of your comments, the stark reality is we are rapidly approaching the levels of income disparity not seen since the French or the Russian revolution. We need an 85% federal income tax rate on the margin just to restore some dignity to the common man who cannot give raises to himself at a 27% annualized rate. Posted By Jaswant Singh, Valencia, CA : May 25, 2007 1:44 pm
If big Bob is married 3 times, it sounds like he is incompetent and never should have been an executive to begin with. He can’t make a decision and see it through. Posted By Carl, Prescott WI : May 25, 2007 1:46 pm
Balderdash and hyperbole. Most jobs are stessful and the CEO’s isn’t 50 or 100 times more stressfule than mine. Furthermore every one of us can get it in the neck at any time. Often it’s the top dog that’s swinging the axe. Posted By CW Boehme, Sunrise, FL : May 25, 2007 1:49 pm
Pretty entertaining. But true! Posted By Anonymous : May 25, 2007 1:54 pm
Baloney Posted By Anonymous : May 25, 2007 1:58 pm
Well, I can ask for a million easily if I have a ex-wife! Complete nonsense. This is an insult to working class. Posted By Anonymous : May 25, 2007 2:01 pm
This is one of the most delusional things I have ever read!! Posted By Jeff, Tampa FL : May 25, 2007 2:02 pm
The column has no merit of value and no factual content as to truly why CEO pay and benefits are extravagant. Posted By Anonymous : May 25, 2007 2:03 pm
Apparently most of those reading this have had their sense of humor and appreciation for sarcasm removed. Brutally. With a bar-b-que fork. Sheesh! Lighten up, folks. Posted By Marlena, Carmel, IN : May 25, 2007 2:05 pm
All I can say is ditto! Posted By Lee, Sacramento, CA : May 25, 2007 2:05 pm
While I see the satire of the article, it is still off-base and tactless. I expect better. Posted By Anonymous : May 25, 2007 2:07 pm
CEO lifestyle addendum: and…loving it. Posted By Eric, Ithaca, NY : May 25, 2007 2:08 pm
I am gratified that so many of you take my thoughts so seriously. It is possible, however, that some of you are taking me TOO seriously. On the other hand, it does hurt everyone when they look at what’s left after the Feds, the State, the City and the Company get through with it. Thanks for writing, all of you. I mean it. Even the ones who think I’m full of s**t. I only partly disagree with you, you know. Posted By thebingblog : May 25, 2007 2:08 pm
Sweet satire. Calm down everyone. It looks like he got you all thinking. Posted By Larry, Montgomery AL : May 25, 2007 2:13 pm
In a humoristic type of way this can be conceived as a rational explanation. I understand corporate America can be vicious to say the list. However, what can we make of those CEOs who abuse the money and power given to them by their companies and end up screwing everything for everybody? Should they still be given big exit bonuses and a pad in the back for trying? There is still something not right with this system. Posted By Erika Herrera – Austin, Texas : May 25, 2007 2:13 pm
All the money in the world cant pay for happiness. Posted By Rob, Washington DC : May 25, 2007 2:16 pm
It’s too bad that he tried to be cynical (and comical?) when he wrote this. The self-pitying of most workers gets me irate. Sure its easy to take shots at the top dog – but can you image the investment in him/herself that the top dog went through to get where they are? Besides school (and I’m talking being a serious student starting in high school), what about the long (unpaid) hours most salary people have to endure. (Yea for you hourly people out there, overtime is your bonus! – Salary people work the same hours for free). And think about the anguish the top dog goes through making the tough decisions. You think its easy laying off a person (or a hundred – or thousands?) And with all the limelight and critics out there, the speed at which you can lose your job is astounding. Take the matter more seriously Bing. And readers – - I doubt any one of you could come close to holding one of the top dog positions. (I know you won’t have time to be reading some other yokel’s blog!) Posted By S.T.W., Detroit, MI : May 25, 2007 2:19 pm
Hilarious! Great read. Posted By April, CA : May 25, 2007 2:22 pm
Excellent way to get traffic to your blog! The extremist argument works very well for bringing new thoughts to the table. Seriously though, I hope you don’t actually think this. Posted By Dave, Arlington VA : May 25, 2007 2:26 pm
This is satire. Lighten up and get a life! Posted By Donald, Tampa, FL : May 25, 2007 2:28 pm
Wow. I’ve been misreading Bing all this time. I was taking everything written with a grain of salt and with an eye towards making a bit of fun at Corporate America. I now realize that everything he writes is to be taken at face value and satire (or at least our ability to appreciate it) is totally lost. Insert my outrage at CEO pay and Bing’s comments on it “here”. Posted By Greg, Chicago, IL : May 25, 2007 2:30 pm
Hysterically True! You nailed it again Bing! Posted By Anonymous : May 25, 2007 2:32 pm
dude. punk. jerk ova there. get real. they get paid the money they get paid because americans are so stupid enough to pay them these lame silly amounts of cash. god get real will ya. for crying out loud. none of these jerks are worth what they are paid. teachers should be the ones getting paid like this cause they are the ones that got these jerks to where there at. god americans are so blind . maybe if these people were being paid a reasonable amount, then maybe more salary paid employees could be getting the money they need.. do they people need 50 million dollars when 40 would do just find. come on get real with your little funny quotes gonig there Posted By kevin houston tx : May 25, 2007 2:35 pm
We need to weep for the poor, abused CEO like Bob. With his hedge fund portfolio only gaining 20% every year, he can hardly keep up the lifestyle to which he would like to become accustomed. And his executive secretary reminded him that he, once, had to pay taxes — sometime in 1992. Such horrid stress! Maybe he could fire more people. The rush of power always makes him feel better, and Wall Street always rewards a “decisive” leader. Even if the company fails, his golden parachute will save him. Posted By Chip, Pleasanton, CA : May 25, 2007 2:36 pm
Geez…I would of guessed this article was published in France by all the comments written here. Stop the whining…if you are not making enough money do something about it..don’t blame the system blame yourself’s for not being in the CEO’s position. Posted By Rob Rios Miami Florida : May 25, 2007 2:36 pm
For all of those who posted your comment Anonymous,minus the two that liked the blog, your probably the fictional workers Bing is writing about. Man up and post your name. Posted By Myles, Portland OR : May 25, 2007 2:44 pm
I laughed…did you laugh? I think that was the point…most of us would like to have Bob’s pay problem…and of course we are all better than Bob so why shouldn’t we! This was funny. The best part was when I realized anyone…ANYONE…in the US has the opportunity to come up with the next I-Pod, the next new invention…even the next better automobile…and get CEO pay. I don’t really think I’d want it…cause as this JOKE points out…the pay does not equate to happiness. Posted By Anonymous : May 25, 2007 2:54 pm
Very quirky, but entertaining. Some people are obviously taking the article too seriously. And to cw boehme, of course all jobs are stressful, that’s why they call it work, not play. CEO pay isn’t based on whether they experience 100 times more stress than you. It’s based on supply and demand, meaning for every one person that can do the job of the CEO, there’s about a million that can be you. Posted By Art Van de Lay, NYC, NY : May 25, 2007 3:05 pm
I read the article and found it entertaining, I even got a much needed chuckle out of it and I thank you for that. I totally agree with the comments posted by S.T.W. from Detroit. Not many people make it to the top, it’s much easier to criticize the ones who do. Having worked with high-level executives for many years, I understand, admire and appreciate them better; I’ve learned a lot and because of them I’ve become a better person. They must possess a mental and emotional capacity very few have (not to mention the skills they need to do their job), they work long hours, think about their jobs all the time, strategize, network, deal with a lot of politics, frustrations, disappointments, they are told to “fix” problems quickly and when they don’t they are easily discarded. The expectations and the stress levels are very high. Being at the top is very lonely and there are very few people they can actually trust. That alone would increase the stress to inhumane levels; double that when they have families, sometimes for the second or third time. I am thankful to them for keeping me employed and when a layoff comes, I would thank them for everything they’ve done for me. They don’t owe me anything – I am responsible for my future. The only problem I have is when they are hired to turn a company around, fail and they get a big severance package. They do have to get paid for their efforts, but in life there is always a price to pay for failure. Cheer up, folks, someday you might get to where they are now, I would love to read your feedback then. Don’t judge if you’ve never walked in their shoes; to belittle is nothing more than simply being little. Thank you for reading my comments. Posted By No name in OH : May 25, 2007 3:12 pm
Bob is smart enough to know that money can’t buy happiness or love. He’s also smart enough to know that money CAN rent some first class affection! Posted By Dan, Erie PA : May 25, 2007 3:20 pm
I’m pretty sure that a lot of the people reading this don’t recognize it’s a spoof. Many more don’t seem to have listened any better in school (spelling class). We are all CEO’s of something, and we mostly muddle through without any better results. Must be the ‘Human Condition’! Posted By Mike, Dayton, Ohio : May 25, 2007 3:35 pm
This is to all the “middle class” folks who feel that they are underpaid, underrepresented, and unappreciated: I am a young college grad making 40k a year, live in an apartment that consumes a more than half of my monthly pay, have a car payment, and still manage to sock away 8% in my 401K, and a few bills in my savings account each month, while still getting sh*tty at the bars. The reason that all of you people are pissed about executive compensation is because you arent the executive due to the fact that you’re all all lazy, unmotivated, inconsiderate individuals. You all probably feel that you are stuck in a “dead end” job, and that is because you don’t want to try to succeed. These CEO’s didn’t get to where they are by sitting back and riding a wave. They busted their asses for years trying to make it to the top. Stop complaining you don’t make enough and enjoy what you have. Maybe if you all stopped trying to “keep up with the Jones’,” to use an old cliche, and buying big screen tv’s, Mercedes, and vactions on your credit card, and taking out ARM’s on your $900,000 McMansion, you wouldn’t be complaining about not making enough money. Put a little more effort into your job, and you may soon reap the rewards. Posted By Pete, Boston MA : May 25, 2007 3:36 pm
There is a very simple reason why your boss is overpaid at every level. It has nothing to do with the additional incremental value he adds over his subordinates. If his subordinates are really good they don’t even need a boss. He is grossely overpaid to motivate you like crazy to want his job. The larger the gap the more you want it and the harder you work. The harder you work the better he looks and the more he earns and the harder you work. That is why his pay is large! Get it, now get back to work! Posted By Chuck, Scottsdale, AZ : May 25, 2007 3:39 pm
This is the biggest BS I have ever read. Posted By Me, Austin, TX : May 25, 2007 3:41 pm
Mr. Bing, This is really funny. I see the humor, but the conclusions are not sound. Picture a mid-level engineer, who also has a high IQ. He typicall comes from a middle-class background, goes to a good university, and also works hard. He typically puts in 60+ hours a week. He typically doesn’t get that 6 figure income. What kind of stress does he face? Every day, he suspects that he may be laid off, just so the CEO can get a bigger bonus. Every day, he worries that his job will be outsourced. Every day, he worries that his balance in his 401(k) plan, with that generous 3% company match, won’t be enough to fund his retirment. Like the gentlemen you mentioned, he worries about his mortgage and his children. He worries a lot because his wife has to work full-time just so that they can afford a house payment, and if the kid gets sick, who skips a day of work? Will skipping a day of work cause the company to replace him with an H-1B engineer? Every day, the poor guy has to watch the TV news to see what the H-1B cap is going to be, and wonder if he will have a job next year. He worries that the product he designed won’t be good enough for his company to make killer profits so that he will keep his job. The US should heavily tax executive compensation and impose a 100% tax on stock options and bonuses when companies lay off workers. That would make things a lot easier for everyone. Lay off workers? OK, no need to worry about that bonues. CEOs need to be forced to focus on the long-term picture instead of trying to make a killing and bail out. Posted By Mack, Orlando Florida : May 25, 2007 3:46 pm
The issue of CEO pay makes me think everything I learned about Commies and Socialists being bad, was a mistake. Although I believe free enterprise is good, uncontrolled free enterprise, where the rich get richer, while screwing over the majority of the American middle class and working people is wrong. For example, the rich don’t care about illegal immigration because their kids are in private school, and they don’t have to worry about public school overcrowding, and in their gated communities they have little to fear from violent gang members. But in the real world, we do have to worry about those things. I am surprised the rich don’t actually go one step further, and request that slavery be re-introduced so they can get really cheap labor. Another issue is how the rich reap all the benefits of our society, while the Middle and working classes fight and die to protect the country and their wealth. I say bring back the draft, and make the rich go fight in Iraq and Afganistan. When Bush’s kids and Chelsea Clinton are sitting in unprotected armor vehicles, I bet up-armored vehicles would quickly make it into the combat zones. The republican party has betrayed conservative voters and the democrats are a bunch of cowardly idiots. The republic is in deep trouble! Posted By Jeff H., Salt Lake City, Utah : May 25, 2007 3:55 pm
Only in America, gotta love it. Hey, by the way, it sounds just like the CEO or our company. However, you need to add about $25 Million/year on the pay. By the way, it has to be tough being on the top where everyone hates you. Posted By Gary, Minneapolis, MN : May 25, 2007 3:56 pm
1. Hilarious Posted By Ryan, Minneapolis : May 25, 2007 4:03 pm
MOST EMPIRICAL RESEARCH HAS SHOWN THAT,CEOS DO NOT REALLY DESERVE WHAT THEY GET EXCEPT FOR A FEW. THIS IS TEH MOST IRRRATIONAL EXPLANATION TO RATIONALIZE CEP PAY. Posted By BARRY RIVERSIDE CA : May 25, 2007 4:15 pm
While I think teachers should make more than they currently do (referencing an earlier poster’s comments), I can’t say that my teachers and professors got me to where I’m at today. By the time college was winding down, I was educating myself through Google (yes, I’m being serious here) but that’s because I have a will to learn and succeed that evidently some other people lack. While I do apply things I learned in school in my day to day job, I apply more of the things I’ve learned for myself than anything. We also have a culture that puts a priority on learning and trying new things, so that certainly helps. I thought it was a good, albeit over-the-top view of exaggerated executive comp. Taking it literally would be foolish, but apparently that’s how some people read this kind of stuff…? Posted By Todd, South Bend, IN : May 25, 2007 4:26 pm
I would love to be able to respond but I’m too busy back-dating my options… Posted By Tim, Mpls MN : May 25, 2007 4:37 pm
Ha and LOL, etc. I’m trying to decide which is funnier, the post itself or the comments and reactions. Sadly, the comments are much more absurd than the post. CEO compensation is almost as overinflated as professional athletes and actors. Noticed I said almost. Posted By Kent, MS : May 25, 2007 4:40 pm
I think pay is truly based upon the ability to recognize sarcasm. Posted By Anonymous : May 25, 2007 4:42 pm
I know your article is tongue-in-cheek, but here’s my serious take on CEO pay: the boards of directors that are responsible for setting CEO pay should take an “economics 101″ look at how to do it, that is, the board should only pay a CEO a base of $5 Million if it cannot find someone who could do the job just as well for $3 or $4 Million. In the same way, they should only pay really big bucks for really big profits. I would set a base pay using the logic I described and then base a bonus on profitability. Posted By Matt, San Antonio, TX : May 25, 2007 4:44 pm
Guys, this is SARCASM. Get it? S-A-R-C-A-S-M. I can’t believe how many people are taking this literally. Posted By Jack, Minneapolis MN : May 25, 2007 4:44 pm
I knew there was reason I always ask my boss what I have to do to not have his job. I don’t need the hassle. I have a life. Posted By Mike, Milwaukee, WI : May 25, 2007 5:06 pm
I love the article. Its written in “tongue-in-cheek” style, and thus appeals to those that get it. Posted By Laughing Monkey, Queens : May 25, 2007 5:16 pm
Hilarious. Must have been written by someone who actually knows a CEO. Most people cannot comprehend that having money does you absolutely no good in the longer term unless you actually have a life and can enjoy it. Most CEO’s personal lives are a train wreck. It’s very hard to “have it all”. Posted By John, Toronto Canada : May 25, 2007 5:30 pm
Working for an international conglomerate he finds his board wants to outsource his position to a highly qualified contender in Spain. The contender understands how to do business with the growing Mulsim population and speeks 5 different languages. Bob just got it in the back of the neck and moves to Pheonix. Posted By Ex wife, Forrest Park Ga. : May 25, 2007 5:51 pm
Love the spoof! But, I think the bigger joke here is that everyone seems to think they could do the job. Hilarious! Posted By KV – New Jersey : May 25, 2007 6:03 pm
The CEO’s nominate the board of directors. The board of directors determine the CEO pay. And the corporations fund the politicians’ campaigns. So the system’s not going to change as long as the people making the rules are the ones getting rich by the rules. Posted By Donald, Tampa, FL : May 25, 2007 6:12 pm
THE CEO PAY IS PARTLY RISK VS. REWARD. ALTHOUGH THEY PLAN THE DIRECTION OF COMPANIES, ITS THE RANK AND FILE EMPLOYEES HAVING TO DEAL WITH EVERYDAY INTERACTIONS TO GET THEM WHERE THEY NEED TO BE. TAKE WELLS FARGO FOR EXAMPLE, FAIRLY COMPENSATED CEO, AND THEY DO GIVE BACK TO EVERY EMPLOYEE IN SOME WAY OR ANOTHER. CONSISTENT RISES IN STOCK PRICES, AND RETURNS FOR INVESTORS, THIS CEO IS DESERVING OF HIS PAY. AND IS WELL RESPECTED TOO. ON THE TOPIC OF GLOBAL WARMING, ITS NOT THE PLANET THAT WILL BE DESTROYED, ITS THE PEOPLE ON THE PLANET THAT WILL NOT EXIST. SO THE KIDS BIKE- NO NEED FOR THAT. SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS. Posted By NICK C, MPLS, MN : May 25, 2007 6:15 pm
Satire + Average American IQ = Confusion Posted By Jason, San Diego, CA : May 25, 2007 7:15 pm
Re: comments from……….. I couldn’t have said it any better ! Posted By Frank A. Tampa Florida : May 25, 2007 7:25 pm
Outrageous Executive pay means higher prices for consumers, lower salaries for everyone else, fewer jobs, and reduced return on investment for share holders. CEO’s freeze the pay of every American worker that survived the layoffs from 2000-2004, but CEO pay never missed a beat climbing double digits every year. Nice pay if you can get it. Posted By Randy, Dover NH : May 25, 2007 8:26 pm
Pretty funny…Where I work if they deducted 5mm from the CEO’s pay (he still would make 10mm) and divided it between the 500 lowest paid employees that would come $10,000 each extra. What a difference that would make for the guy/gal making $60,000 grand a year. Posted By Tony, Chicago : May 25, 2007 8:27 pm
Training for a CEO job consists of being the little jerk that is annoying the hell out of the productive people that get paid nothing. After getting promoted to the top, then the rest of the peons watch the little gnat steal their pensions – or something like that. Posted By Nron, Napa, CA : May 25, 2007 8:45 pm
No one is worth more than a million Posted By SV, Westport, Ct : May 25, 2007 11:03 pm
Good Stuff! Although, I think there is a clarification that needs to be made here. There is a really big difference between the CEO who takes a position and the founding CEO who built the company. The CEO who gets the rediculous signing bonus and the ludicrous paychecks sucks! They are hired help, $5 milllion dollars, are you kidding me! When the average wage of everyone in the company is what $50k I could hire what, 100 people to think about the same things and do a way better job. Now, the CEO who starts the company and builds it up, do they deserve $5mil a year? You bet they do! They are responsible for providing all those $50K jobs and they live with the stress of starting a business from nothing! Anyone who has started a business of their own knows exactly what I’m talking about. I spent almost $150k starting my business and i’m 26 years old! so anyone that thinking I don’t deserve more money than you needs to put their money where their mouth is and try it on their own. However, as for those CEO’s who stumpled in to some $5mil plus bonus plus severence plust sign on plus i’m a retard who can’t do anything but b.s. my way into a good job, I wish you luck and congrats on your lottery ticket, just don’t blow it in your first few years of your failed retirement! Posted By Rogan, Irvine CA : May 26, 2007 1:27 am
Yes, some CEOs are overcompensated. Others appoint the directors who set their pay. And then there are those who backdate their options. But most CEOS are adequately paid, in fact maybe underpaid, compared to the other alernatives. Take private equity for example. These are funds like Blackstone and KKR that are buy out public companies and take them private. These guys are spending their investor’s money, but they have a greater incentive and ability to strictly control pay than a company controlled by a million shareholders. But they’re still paying far more to CEOs than public companies and not burdening them with cumbersome ‘oversight’ regulations. Obviously the CEOs must be delivering, otherwise they wouldn’t be getting a deal from private equity. Public companies are trying to compete with that even as their ability to do so is being removed by Congress and the hype over ‘excessive compensation.’ That means private equity will capture the best managers, leaving their public counterparts behind. If that happens, more and more public companies will go private, and be controlled by rich and unaccountable pools of capital:- a reverse of the historical situation. At that point we might be wishing for the old ‘overcompensated’ CEOS back Posted By Sahil Manekia, Claremont, CA : May 26, 2007 2:21 am
Ok, so I’m reading the article… Funny! Posted By Chris, Edmond, Oklahoma : May 26, 2007 5:23 am
No one mentioned the equity stake of the CEO who’s dividends alone are likely 7 figures, not to mention that each child is a tax write off and most CEOs are paid through a corporation or corporations they’ve set up so they minimize their taxes as much as possible. The rich don’t get richer because they’re losing money in taxes or paying it to their ex wives and supporting multiple familes, they get rich because of things they do that stay out of the light. The CEO of eHarmoney made 300 million in SALARY! I’m sure his top officers didn’t even come close to that. But it’s never what you make, it’s what you’re spending habbits are like. I earned an excellent living, but had very few expenses or very few expensive expenses and was able to invest most of my income and retire early, but now I’ve gotten off the point. Larger corporation CEOs do make too much Posted By Mabel, San Francisco, CA : May 26, 2007 6:46 am
Happiness is feeling relatively rich while living a lifestyle below what you earn. This comes from being raised relatively poor so your current lifestyle class causes you to count your blessings.Anyway, to the people ranting about being underpaid or in constant fear of being laid off, you obviously either do not have an in-demand skill or have not played the political game well enough to ensure the right people appreciate you more than your peers. Why are reading this column…you’ve got work to do NOW! Posted By Rob, Fairfax, VA : May 26, 2007 8:43 am
The article is pure satire, also funny and hilarious. But it’s the kernel of truth that gets everyone! Posted By Alice, Keene, NH : May 26, 2007 10:27 am
I think the funniest thing about this article is reading the stupid responses from people that don’t realize this is sarcasm Posted By Chris, Oak Brook, IL : May 26, 2007 10:57 am
I thought I going to read a factual analysis, but it is a combination of national enquirer stuff into two personality. But it is even more amazing that I continue to read many of the comments. At the end, I found the countersuit filed by the Walmart fired executive is more revealing of what is above and beyond the salary, bonus, and stock options. Posted By Houston,TX : May 26, 2007 12:03 pm
Come on stop condescending and assuming that the other comment writers don’t even understand that this is a spoof. It’s obvious but not as comment worthy as the blood boiling fact that you are being robbed by your CEO. I could tell you a joke and while delivering the punch line kick you in the shins as hard as I can. Would you laugh or say Ouch, you &%*$ing @$$&%*$(? Posted By Dave, New Milford CT : May 26, 2007 12:16 pm
Laughable,high salaried mediocre performing American CEO’s! Measure dollar for dollar performance is of their Japanese/Korean counterparts that have built brands and businesses with limited funding and scarcer resources is by far better when returning value to shareholders. The best CEO’s in America are the exception – the vast majority do not deserve a VP title let alone their bloated salaries. From lack of vision to pure incompetence, it is disturbing to see how few companies have really good executive leadership. The best companies were built and still are run by passionate people who care more about the market share, innovation and quality rather than getting paid. Bing – don’t believe your own hype – the research data just doesn’t support the bloated CEO salaries. What has made the difference is the size of some of these companies that despite really ineffective leadership have enough reserves, market share and brand image to survive inept corporate leadership. Posted By Frank, NY New York : May 26, 2007 3:17 pm
Pete from Boston (another Bostonian!) has it nailed. I’m in my mid-twenties, have an MBA, and make not much over 60K a year. The reason people at work complain about CEO pay and/or not making enough money is because they’re lazy. They want to stare at their computers surfing the web half the day, and spend the other half the day chatting with their cube-mates about the car their husband is looking at, the theater system they want to buy, or about how the price of plasma TVs is coming down. The CEO of the company I worked for successfully diversified the company and brought in billions and billions in revenue. So he makes tens of millions a year. He deserves it! The people who DON’T deserve their pay are the lazy ones who try to blow off the day and get nothing done. Let’s face it. Americans are expensive. We make more and our employers pay for health care. Let’s be worth it! Posted By John Steinhauser, Boston, MA : May 26, 2007 3:45 pm
This is a ‘how the rich get richer’ themed article with applied logic by someone who has never earned an income via a corporate entity before. I struggled as a full-time employed engineer for years. Had a “good paying” job and was greatly appreciated by all those who employed me. It didn’t occur to me just how much until I went into a 6 hour conference call on board a cruise ship years ago..wasn’t I supposed to be on vacation??? I switched to contract/consulting and now make a ga-zillion dollars a year through several corporate enities. I have many employee-minded people working for me and more importantly; making money for me. I get it..but I don’t think the author of this article really does. Corporate pay is vastly unfair and unbalanced. Until the stockholders do something about it, it’ll always be like this. Posted By Warren, Andover, MA : May 26, 2007 5:28 pm
The sad part is that Big Bob’s job is usually done by the Forbisher, or those below. He’s the captain of a plane flown by the first office and his only job is say hello to the passengers. That’s all! Posted By Lanth, Austin, TX : May 26, 2007 10:41 pm
Well, the whole point of satire is to make people think…and this one obviously has. Posted By Chicago : May 27, 2007 9:49 am
Totally BS!!! Posted By Anonymous : May 27, 2007 10:21 am
Subject and responses–Great!!! they bring to mind fairytale folklore like; Nero fiddling while Rome burns and King Midas sitting on Humpty Dumpty’s wall secured by all the King’s horses and all the King’s men, being prepared to fall if his thumb provokes the wrong call–Thumbs up or thumbs down. Fact or fiction? Posted By Bob Saxon Utica, Michigan : May 27, 2007 12:34 pm
Dear Guys and Gil’s, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Stop complaining, start doing. The one group… is just fortunate. If you were born a Kennedy, Bush or Hilton, you will do fine. For those of us who were not, go to step number 2. The second group… was born with a great skill. It you were born as smart as Einstein or as athletic as Jordan, you will do fine. This is probably a form of “being fortunate” as well, but the members of the second group worked hard to make sure that they don’t waste their talent. For those of us who were not, go to step number 3. Now, I didn’t forget the topic of this blog. Further, I would like to emphasize that this is pretty much the first time I write a blog. Finally, I wasn’t born as a member of group 1 nor group 2. So keep on reading and you will find the solution… The third group consists of the hard working individuals. A lot of them have shared their opinions in this blog. They complained about how they work so hard in corporate America, or how the dedicated teachers of our communities deserve to make more money. All is true. But that’s not enough. Hardworking without associating oneself with the next groups will result in a miserable life dedicated to writing blogs about how much money Chief Executive Officers make. The risk takers are the proud frequent flyers of the fourth group. We are talking about business owners obviously. One misconception is that business ownership can only happen with a great idea that will result in the next Microsoft, You Tube, or Ebay. You can take a moderate risk, invest in a business, not having any original idea at all, and still make much more money than 90% of the Chief Executive Officers out there. You need to take the first step though. Finally, I would introduce the group of the dedicated “dudes.” The ones who are NOT truly dedicated, like some of you, will most like spend the rest of their lives writing blogs about how “it is not fair.” They will find gazillion reasons why they are the victims, while others make so much money. But they forgot that when they went to get another drink with their buddy, the now-CEO spent untold hours getting an advanced degree. They forget that when they took their family to the lake on a memorial-day weekend, the now-CEO spent the long holiday-weekend working on a presentation. The dedicated individuals are the ones that live, eat, breath, and sleep their career. They don’t work 40-60 hours a week. They work 168 hours a week (24 hours times 7 days a week). Whether these dedicated individuals are making the right choice, that’s should be the topic of another debate. Yes, these individuals end up with failed marriages and the first time they see their kids is not 22 minutes after their kids are born; rather it is 22 years after their kids graduate from college. At that point many of these dedicated CEO’s figure out that they wasted the last 22 years advancing their career instead of cherishing the important things in life, such as family and friends. But again, we all make our own decisions of whether we should be the dedicated career-oriented individual or enjoy life to the fullest. So what’s the conclusion? Unless you were born to group one or two above, where wealth is practically guaranteed, the rest of us need to choose their destiny. Option A is to belong to groups 3 and 4. All you need is to work hard and take a risk. You might fail a few times, but never give up. You will be wealthy and enjoy a poolside living. Option B is to belong to group 3 and 5. Entrepreneurship is not for all of us. So work hard AND make your job and career a priority, so you can climb to the CEO position one day. Once again, you will be wealthy. Option C is to keep complaining. Please excuse the poor grammar and the many misspells. This blog was written on memorial-day weekend, one hour before I’m heading to the lake, after spending the last 3 years of memorial-day weekends way to dedicated to my career. I have achieved the wealth, without being a CEO of a public company and by learning that being jealous about other’s success without creating my own is a waste of time. Posted By Yuvi Shmul, Mesa, Arizona : May 27, 2007 2:38 pm
Food for thought: Money is something that did not come with you when you were born, and will not go with you when you die. When one dies, will their friends or family talk about “oh, so-and-so was such a great CEO, he always got clients and met deadlines, and he is worth $X billion.” NO! It’s what kind of person he was when he was alive; what kind of husband he was, what kind of father he was, how he treated people. A truly successful person is not judged by how much money they have, nor how much power they have, nor how many people work for him. So many “financially-rich” people are out there thinking they have it going good, but they are afraid to go home, why? Because they either have an incredibly bad family life (due to all their excessive working hours and time spent with clients, RATHER than with his wife and kids, not to mention, those long hours and stress is killing his health), or there is no family life to speak of. THIS IS NOT HAPPINESS. I once read “humans are the only animals who do not know the primary purpose on earth is to enjoy life. Next time you are at someones deathbed, pay attention to what the person is saying. They never talk about how they regret not spending enough time at the office, or not being able to grab this client. They ALWAYS regret not spending enough time with their family. ALWAYS. So if you knew you were going to die today, what would you regret? Posted By Tom, Washington D.C. : May 28, 2007 6:39 am
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Stanley Bing
Stanley Bing is a Fortune columnist and best-selling author of business books noted for their wisdom as well as their sharp, slightly acrid sense of humor. He is also the only writer on business and the workplace who still puts on a suit and tie and goes to do battle with the dragons that breathe fire at corporate America every day. This blog captures what remains of his brain after it has exploded in all other directions.
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This is the dumbest s**t I ever read. You probably make more than I do and I probably generate more revenue for my company than you do for yours.