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Just a little story this morning. I knew this guy, see. And he was a yutz. We banged skulls quite a few years ago, where he demonstrated a willingness to screw people when it was unnecessary to do so. I make this distinction because as you know in business it is sometimes necessary to screw people. This was not the case here. This guy kind of cut a swath through whatever work he was doing, did what he needed to do to make himself look good, which he wasn’t, lied when it suited him, pointed fingers when things didn’t work out, was a general hose bag.

Years passed, and I watched as this worm popped out of one corporate apple after another. And no, this isn’t a jab at Apple. It’s a metaphor. Worm pops out of an otherwise perfectly good piece of fruit. Sees another one, all shiny and new, on an adjacent branch of the global tree of corporate capitalism. Crawls out of his existing hole and cleverly burrows his way into the next. That’s what I’m talking about.

So anyhow, a few years ago, this guy pops up at a relatively well-known retail outfit in a large midwestern city that shall remain nameless. At the time, the firm is doing quite well and the guy I’m talking about takes a nice profile, giving speeches, head shot in the trades, that kind of thing.

Then, as you all know, the climate changes, the economy does whatever the hell you think it’s doing, and suddenly retailers aren’t percolating anymore, in fact they’re doing pretty lousy, including this company that now houses the wormish dude I’m telling you about. Sure enough, after about six months of this, the guy pokes his nose around and sees that another place, in another industry entirely, may be interested in whatever it is he’s selling. Time to go. We all get that. Bloom is off the rose. Too bad. So sad. See ya. Don’t wanna be ya.

That’s not the problem. You gotta go where the action is, particularly if you’re an action junkie and opportunist. The thing I loved, because it confirmed my faith in the reliability of Character, was the way he did it. About a week before he bolted, a little piece of slime appeared in an online aggregator/terminator dedicated to hurting anything it writes about. The jist of the post, which everybody in that particular industry read, was that this guy was leaving his current firm because he could no longer associate himself with his current employer. Why? Because he simply could not stand being in the same company with a Chairman whose moral lifestyle was not above reproach. There was more schmutz, but that was the long and the short of it. This fellow was simply TOO decent, TOO clean and upstanding, to deal with the moral insufficiencies of his superior.

Of course, the piece was unsourced. My guy’s fingerprints were nowhere on it. Thus he managed to get publicity for himself and to besmirch the place that had paid for his life for the last four or five years and the crazy, beseiged individual who runs it.

When you gotta go, you gotta go, I guess. But this way? I don’t think so.

But what do you think? I’m sure there are plenty of you out there who think I’m a total weenie here. Aren’t we all in business for ourselves? Aren’t we supposed to do whatever it takes to get ahead? Don’t we live in a world unguided by loyalty, sentiment and personal honor? Doesn’t it make sense to play to unsourced, unedited, unscrupulous internet to our benefit?

Aren’t those who may think otherwise, like, total losers?

Jeez, Jack, at that temp (either C or F), doesn’t pee freeze as soon as it leaves your 98.6 degree body?

Posted By Ivan, Washington, DC

Yep pretty soon after it does, First thing you learn as kid in Canada ‘Don’t eat yellow snow”

Posted By Jack Hammond Canada : May 8, 2008 7:14 pm

Jeez, Jack, at that temp (either C or F), doesn’t pee freeze as soon as it leaves your 98.6 degree body?

People seem to have forgotten about “enlightened self-interest”, also known as the golden rule. In our quest to get some head … er, get ahead … we’ve shifted our focus from “enlightened” to “self-interest”.

Dork Boy above lives by the rule of the jungle. The problem with such a strategy, however, is that even if you are young, strong and healthy, sooner or later, you’ll become old, weak and/or sick. When that happens, your status immediately changes from predator to prey.

Posted By Ivan, Washington, DC : May 8, 2008 5:28 pm

Cut his brake lines, imo.

Posted By Andy, a place.

We cannot do that in Canada as it would lead to criminal charges,we prefer to wait until it is -30 below and pee in his gas tank or door locks.

Posted By Jack Hammond Canada : May 8, 2008 1:18 pm

Wow, harsh crowd today.

If ethics were easy and popular, then we wouldn’t need centuries of wisdom to teach and inspire us to be ethical. Because it’s hard and sometimes requires personal sacrifice, then not a lot of people are interested in pursuing an ethical lifestyle. To paraphrase Chesterston: It is not that ethics has been tried and found wanting. It is that ethics has been found hard and left untried.

Hard or not, sacrificial or not, behaving ethically is still the right thing to do. The sacrifices may be monetary, the rewards intangible and intrinsic, but the right thing remains the right thing no matter else.

Posted By Allan, Orlando Florida : May 8, 2008 12:08 pm

People Work for Money, if you want loyality, buy a dog.

Posted By Jack, Lancaster, California : May 8, 2008 3:25 am

Cut his brake lines, imo.

Posted By Andy, a place. : May 7, 2008 11:25 pm

One other thing: Bing, don’t forget to put (AAPL) after your mention of Apple. You can’t overlook that opportunity to get more traffic to the blog.

Posted By Rebecca, Philadelphia, PA : May 7, 2008 8:27 pm

Sadly, retribution comes too late for those who have been wronged. But experience has shown that nearely always the worm will be found out and will get his just due. And those who know will enjoy every minute.

Posted By Richard, Scottsdale, AZ : May 7, 2008 7:27 pm

Despite the kind of person you’re talking about being nowadays the norm I can’t bring myself to behave in such a manner.

To be honest, I can’t even think that way about my behaviour, even in fantasy, and that at times misleads others into thinking I’m a rube.

Posted By Jack S Salem, OR : May 7, 2008 6:38 pm

These rants by losers about successful people never help the losers get ahead.

I just believe that many people are not suited to work in the corporate sector. Everyone already knows that it takes a willingness to step on others in order to stand out in the crowd. If you are sick of getting stepped on and you do not want to step on others, you can always quit.

I get a great deal of entertainment value from people talking about how much of a jerk their boss is. I then ask these people “how come you never try to become the boss? It seems as if you have the integrity, honesty, and intellect to excel and treat others well”. These same people always come up with excuses as to why becoming the boss would be a bad thing. They are all weak excuses, which hide the true fact: people who get screwed over ENJOY getting screwed over.

Jerks, continue to do what you do. Those who really do not like you will get out of their situation. Those who stay and complain are masochists and enjoy every insult and stab in the back they receive. No smart person would continue to be overworked and underpaid unless they loved it.

LONG LIVE JERKS!

Posted By Yadgyu, Harkeyville, TX : May 7, 2008 4:56 pm

H.R.M. bears the finger prints and foot prints of “MANAGEMENT”.

H.R.M. serves as the open or closed door for “HUMAN RESOURCES” to approve or deny the “PAYCHECK”.

“SILENCE” is approval.

Posted By Bob Shelby Twp. Mi. : May 7, 2008 4:39 pm

I love the story, and unfortunately have seen this myself. In particular, I had a boss that was without morals, skills, or professionalism. The oly thing she knew how to do was throw other people under the bus, take others down, and paint the facts a certain way (that weren’t factual at all). Nothing was off limits. Fabrication of individuals that otherwise had no idea until it was too late.

Eventually, she hopped to another apple, based on her VP level resume and the spoils that she claimed in it based on the blood, sweat and integrity of other people.

I see this with alot of executives. It seems that if you have a VP or C Level title, you have a license to get another commensurate role somewhere else because it is believed that you have achieved this “level” of experience.

Most forgot HOW to do business, or do not, or never did have, the ability to adapt their skills to the current business or industry environment. I guess I referring to, old dogs, new tricks.

Unfortunately, it is the way it is. Pretty disguisting. But, it seems that she has screwed enough people where her reputation now proceeds her. Many, in this industry, will not even deal with her anymore.

Posted By BPJ, Los Angeles, CA : May 7, 2008 3:14 pm

I don’t agree with gratuitously screwing over others just because you can. There’s no reason for that. Hosebag sliming Chairman in public for no real reason = bad.

Hosebag’s mistake, however, is not in screwing over or having no loyalty to an employer. The mistake is in screwing over a particular person. It’s been years (maybe even decades?) since loyalty and hard work on behalf of your company paid off. But loyalty and hard work on behalf of a personal connection can still pay off. I can’t imagine Hosebag’s ball of slime won’t come back to hit him in the face someday.

Posted By Rebecca, Philadelphia, PA : May 7, 2008 2:36 pm

Some people pretend to hold the moral high ground. When in fact you could not trust them in a room alone with small children.

They come in all flavors, shapes and sizes, usually accompanied by a long listed resume, detailing one short term worm hole after another.

They are all smiles and will shake your hand while pissing on your shoes. Climbing the corporate ladder stepping on other peoples heads

Their one character flaw is they wear two faces and once that is discovered they have a short business life: a good example is Elliot Spitzer.

Posted By Jack Hammond Canada : May 7, 2008 2:22 pm

With respect to the questions in the last paragraph… NO

Posted By tony nj : May 7, 2008 1:33 pm

I dont think you’re being a “weenie”. What that individual did was wrong, and on top of it all, cowardly since he didnt leave his mark. He is full of greed, which is whats wrong with the world now. He probably doesnt know exactly what he does or talks about and that is why he bails out when times get tough. If he was a strong candidate, THE candidate for the job, then he would have stayed in his position and toughed out the tough times. I’m sure it will catch up to him one day, somehow. I’m glad to know that there are still CEO’s out there that have moral standards. That arent going to come in, fire everyone..oops I mean “restructure”…work the remaining staff harder and longer only for him/her (the CEO) to get richer…I’m tired of everyone being overworked, underpaid, and complain all the time.

Posted By Alex, Washington DC : May 7, 2008 1:29 pm

Though I’m far from the first to point this out, when it comes to the dissolution of trust between business and labour, business struck first. (I’m extending the traditional definition of labour to include the lower-ranked cubicle dwellers for this example).

When bosses realized firing people was the quickest path to a short-term boost in share prices; when they realized they could lay off thousands and still collect $100 million bonuses; when workaholism became compulsory for all positions at most American corporations - that’s when the rules disappeared.

Your segmented friend is truly an epic dink, but he’s just taking his plays from the Book of Executive Asshole Behaviour. It’s another manifestation of the Broken Window theory: the more chicanery we see going on around us, the more likely we are to break the rules ourselves.

Posted By Tim, Toronto, Canada : May 7, 2008 11:52 am

A reader from California writes...
My boss called me 12 times during the 2 hour period when my wife was delivering our first baby. In the 12th call he told me that I should be courteous enough to pick up the phone even though I was in the operating theater. I made one call to him after my baby was born and I could just see his face as I responded with one line: I quit. I got another job in about a week. Read more crazy boss stories.
Stanley Bing
Stanley Bing is a Fortune columnist and best-selling author of business books noted for their wisdom as well as their sharp, slightly acrid sense of humor. He is also the only writer on business and the workplace who still puts on a suit and tie and goes to do battle with the dragons that breathe fire at corporate America every day. This blog captures what remains of his brain after it has exploded in all other directions.