Galleries
Tags
AAPL Abuse of Executive Power Acquisitions Addiction Adult ADD Adult Video Convention Advertising Age AIG Airline Travel Alan Greenspan Allen & Co. Amazon american airlines Analog solutions Analysts Andrew Carnegie Anger Annoying Employees Anxiety AOL Apple Archimedes Arjun Murti Armageddon Arnold Schwarzenegger Ask Bing Assistants Augustus Auto Bailout Baby Boomers bad days Bad guys Bailouts Bank Failures Bank of America bank write downs bankers Banking laws Barack Obama Barry Bonds Barry Diller Batman Bear market Bear Stearns Bed Bath & Beyond Ben Franklin Bernanke Bernard Madoff Bert Fingerhut Best Buy Beverly Hilton Big Bad Corporations Big Fish Games Bill Clinton Bill Gates Bill O'Reilly Bing Bing Awards bing recommends Bing Videos Bing's Law bingstuff Bipolar BlackBerry Bloggers Bluetooth Bobby Flay body language bogus dudes Bonds Boneheads Bono Bonuses Book Stores books Boomers Booze Booze in First Class Bosses Boy Scouts Brand Encroachment Brand Loyalty Brazil Brian Greene British Air Britney Britney Spears Brooks Brothers BS Bubbles Bullies Bulls**t Jobs business dinners business ideas Business Language Business Life Business Media Business Stories of the Year business travel Buzzwords Caesar call to action Canada Canon Capitalism Captive Marketing Carat Carbon Footprint Careers Carl Icahn CBS News/NY Times Poll Celebrity Meltdowns Cell phones CEOs CES Character Character Issue Chauncey Gardiner Cheese balls Cheese Logs cheeseburgers Cheryl Crow China Christmas cheer Chrysler Chuck Prince Citibank Citigroup Clone Monkeys Cloud computing CNBC cnnmoney Comment of the day Complisults Computer geekery computers Confidence games Congress Conspiracies Consultants Consumer Confidence Consumer Electronics Show Consumerism conventions Corporate Apologies corporate culture Corporate Retreats Corporate Sanity cost of housing Costco Countrywide coyotes Crazy Bosses Creative Capitalism credit cards Credit Suisse crooks (alleged) cubicles Cutbacks Dalai Lama David Beckham David Geffen Davos dead cat bounce Debt Dee Dee Myers Democrats Dennis Levine Depression Depression (emotional) Derivatives Designer Stubble Diabetes Dictator of the Week Diets digital elph Digital solutions to analog problems Digital Transition Dracula Drinking Drunken Excess Duke Nukem Dumbest Moments Dummies E-Mail E.U.R. E3 EBay Economic analysis Economic Imperialism Economic Meltdown Economic Stimulus Economic Trends Economics Economists Edith Piaf Edward Liddy electronic communications Eliot Spitzer Elvis in Business Elvis! Emeril Employee Dementia eOnline Equity Eric Schmidt Erin Callan Euphemisms Excel Excellence Excessive Exit Packages Excuses Executive Compensation Executive Dementia Executricks Exits and Entrances F. Scott Fitzgerald Fables Facebook Fannie Mae Fascist Architecture Fashion Father's Day Fathers FEMA's response to hurricane Katrina Fidel Castro Financial Times Firing People Flight Attendants Ford Ford and Chrysler Foreign Investment Fox News Franklin D. Roosevelt Freddie Mac Free Market Capitalism Fried Chicken Frivolous lawsuits FUBAR Fungibility G20 Summit G7 Galleries Game Theory Gas Mileage gas prices Geithner Gen-X Gen-Y Gen-Zero General Electric General Motors Genghis Khan Geoff Colvin George Soros George W. Bush George Washington Georgetown Getting a raise Global solutions Global Warming Gluten GM God Goldman Sachs Good Guys Good News in Bad Times Goodwill Goofing Off Google Google Alerts Government Accountability Office Grammar Gray Goose Martini Greed Greedy Banks Greenware Grocery Stores Hamburgers Hank Greenberg Hans Christian Anderson Happy Trends Hardware Stores Harry Potter Harvard Business School Harvard Community Health Plan Harvard Graphics Harvey Weinstein Health Care Health Plans Heart Disease Heath Ledger Hedge Fund Managers Hedge Funds Heidi Klum Henry Clay Frick Henry Ford Henry Schleiff heparin Herb Allen Highlights for Children Hitler HMOs Holiday Cards Holiday Cheer Holiday Parties Holiday Shopping Season Home Depot Honda (HMC) Hope Horrendous Blunders Hot dogs hot nuts House Republicans How to Get A Promotion Howard Hughes Human Genome Human Misery Human Resources Hyenas IBM Ideas for Warren Buffett IHOP Illegal Firing of Attorneys General Immigration Impostors Inauguration Inc. inflation Information in the Digital Realm Information Overload Insourcing inspirational stories Insurance Companies Interest Rate Cuts International Project Managers Association Investment Advice Investment banks Investment Trends IPhone IPod IQ Iran ITT ITunes J.P. Morgan Jack Welch Jamie Dimon January 1 Japan Japanese Corporations Jargon Jerks Jerry Levin Jerry Yang JetBlue JFK Job Interviews Joe Armstrong Joe Mama Joe Sixpack Joe the Plumber John Dvorak John Ford John Keats John Mackey John McCain John Stewart John Thain John Wayne Johnny Walker Black Johnny Walker Red Jon & Kate Josef Stalin Journalism JP Morgan Chase JPMorgan Chase Karl Rove Karoshi Kazaa Ken Lewis Kenneth Lay King Kong Kiplinger Kurasawa LA stuff Labor Day Lame Ideas Larry Craig Larry Page Las Vegas Layoffs Lehman Bros. Leonard Cohen Leopard OS Leverage LG Lindsay Lohan LinkedIn litigation Local Business London Lord Voldemort Los Angeles Love at the Office Loyalty Lying Mac Air Macadamia Nuts MacBook Air Macbook Pro mache Machiavelli Macy's malware Managing Up maniacal Marcus Aurelius Marilyn Monroe Marketing Marketing breakthroughs Marketing In Your Face Marshall Field's Martha Stewart Marvel Comics Mass hysteria Mass Media Massive writedowns Materialism Maxim Magazine Maybach MBIA MBWA McCain McClatchey McDonald's McKinsey Mean Bosses Media mediabistro.com Medical impact of bad management Medicare Meerkat Gang Sculpture Meeting Narcolepsy Memorial Day Mergers Merrill Lynch Michael's Microsoft Microsoft Bing Microsoft Outlook Mike the Headless Chicken Misogyny MIT Mitch McConnell MMORPGs Mob Behavior Modest Proposals Moguls Monday Morning Monetization monetizing celebrity Monetizing the Internet Monster.com Motivational Issues Mountain bikes Murphy Bed Mussolini MySpace Nano Technology Napster Narcissists National Boss's Day National Bureau of Economic Research NATPE Netscape new year's New Year's Resolutions New York Nigeria Nigerian 419 scam nightmares Nintendo Non-Fungibility Obama Obesity obnoxious spam Occupational Hazards Oil prices Olestra on the road Oprah optimism Organization theory Organizational Life OS X 10.5 OS X Leopard Osama Bin Laden OSHA outsourcing Overused words Panasonic Panic Panic of 1819 Paranoia Paris Hilton parsley Paul Krugman Paulson Pay Cap Payback PCs Peeves Perp walks Personal Injury Lawyers Personal Integrity Pessimists Petaluma pets Physician's Desk Reference planes Pogo Poisoned Toothpaste Politics Pontiac Ponzi Schemes Possible solutions to air travel crises Post-Bailout Letdown Post-Christmas slump Powerpoint PR Kudo of the Day prayers President for Life of Turkmenistan President Obama Pretentious Buttheads price of automobiles price of gasoline Price of Oil Pricing Productivity Prognostications Propaganda Public Disgrace Public Relations Pundits putters Quality Question of the Day Quizzes Quote of the Day Rabbits on the golf course Rachael Ray Rampant consumerism Random Acts of Spending Reader Bulls**t Jobs Reader Crazy Bosses Reader Wisdom real estate speculation Real Estate Values Reality TV Recession Recession Skills Recovery Regulatory Policy Republicans Restricted Share Units retail Richard Fuld Richard Gere Richard Nixon Rick Wagoner Right brain function Ring Tone Abuse ritual sacrifice RLS Robert Nardelli Robotics Rock Hard Abs Rod Blagojevich Roma Ron Perelman Root Canal Russian Vodka Salarymen Sam Zell San Francisco Santa Claus Saparmurat Niyazov 1940 -- 2006 savings vs. spending Savvy investments in a down market scandals Scapegoats Scary Bosses Scary Trends Scott McClellan Search Engines SEC Second Life Second thoughts Security Analysts Self-Inflicted Injuries Self-Interest Self-Promotion Senate Republicans Sergey Brin Severance Sex Shakespeare Shoichi Nakagawa Short sellers Side Effects Silver Linings Sir Isaac Newton SkyMall Small Pleasures Snafus Snail Mail social networking Socialist solutions to capitalist problems Sony Sony Playstation 3 South Park Sovereign Wealth Funds Spandex speeches spying Stalin Stan O'Neal Stanford Stanley Bing Starbuck's Steve Ballmer Steve Jobs Steve Kroft Steve Ratner Steven Seagal Stimulus package stinky coworker Stock Market Stock Options Stock Pick of the Day Strategies Stress Stress Test Stupid Contests Stupid deals Stupid moves Stupid Surveys Sub-Prime Loans Sudoku Summer Vacation Sun Valley Super Bowl Super Tuesday Superfluous Information Surveys Swine Flu System Administrators T.M.I. Target tax evasion Taxes technoid drivel Ted Casablanca TGIF Thanksgiving The 3:10 to Yuma The Associated Press The Black Crowes the blame game The Collared Peccary The Death of Retail The Dollar The Economist The economy The end of the world The Euro The Fall of Rome The Fantastic Four The Fed The Four Seasons The Four Seasons bar the Hope Bubble The Housing Market The Killer Quotient The Kindle The Media The Meltdown The National Mood The New York Times The Oscars The Rudeness Police The Silver Surfer The Stock Market The Tata The Triangle Shirtwaist Fire The Value of Money the War in Iraq the weather Things I Want You To Do Things That Are Gone Tibet Time Warner Time Zone Meltdown Timothy Geithner TMZ Toasty Christmas Tales Todd Purdham Tom Peters Top Performing Stocks Toxic Assets Toyota Matrix Toyota Prius Traffic Trends Trollope Tropical Fish Truth tuna fish Turkey turnaround Twinkies Twitter UAW UBS Uncategorized Uncontrollable Urges Unemployment Unfriendly takeovers Unions United Airlines United Fruit Unnecessary spending unwelcome marketing intrusions into daily existence Urban Legends Vacation Value of the Dollar Vampire Zombies Vanity Fair Venture Capitalists Verizon Verne Troyer Virtual Economy Wachovia Wal-Mart Wall Street Walt Kelly WaMu War in Iraq Warcraft Warren Buffet Warren Buffett Warren Spector Washington Mutual Waste Management Wealth Web Madness Weird Things We Eat Welfare Westinghouse Wetware Wharton What Your Boss Expects of You Whistling past the graveyard Who Is To Blame Whole Foods Wikipedia Woody Allen Work Life Initiative Work-related injuries Working From Home www.bracketsmackdown.com XBox 360 Yahoo YouTube Zen  Email
 Subscribe
Friday, July 11, 2008 at 10:08 am
Dear Kids, Just a few thoughts on what you can expect when Uncle Sam takes over. It’s not going to be all that bad. But things will be different with your new proprietor, and it never hurts to be prepared for a brand new corporate culture. First, you’re going to have a lot more paperwork. Oh, I know you think you’ve had a lot so far, but you ain’t seen nothing yet. Financial institutions sort of invented the stuff. Add a layer of government on top of that and you’re going to put the entire logging industry back on its feet. This is because, while large corporate bureaucracies always drive accountability to wafer-thin levels — spreading it out over the entire system if they can – nobody does this better than the Feds. Trying to ascertain who made a decision on an issue is like trying to figure out which bee just irrigated a specific chamber in the hive. Second, your lunch hours will be shorter, and your workday more regularized. Did you ever read a book about the Siberian gulag, what life was like there? Well, it’s not quite as cold, but not so different. Wake up. Go to the rock pile. Go home. Wake up. Go to the rock pile. You’ll get used to it. On the other hand, instead of being an employee per se, you will, in fact, be part of a permanent government that rules this nation year-in, year-out regardless of who is in power at the top. Your uber-bosses will change and new ones will arrive who are pretty much the same as the old ones. This is different than corporate life, where eccentricity often confers power. Your immediate managers will be Commissars three levels down from the politicians who pass in and out of government agencies like tumbleweeds over the tundra. They will never go away. But the chance of finding them on a golf course while the bank is burning down is minimal. You will, of course, have to sell your snappy outfits, tasty footwear and juicy ties and scarves. Go to your local big-box clothing store. Acquire three gray suits. Ties may be in black or gray, and keep the patterns to yourself. A pair of enormous black shoes will complete the ensemble. Did I mention that if you had an expense account you just lost it? I’m not sure how many of you Freddies and Fannies do lunch. I don’t usually see you out and about. But from here on in, you can break out your attache case, because it’s going to have a permanent PB&J in it or, if you are on the west coast, something with sprouts. Contrariwise, you can also kiss those long, frenzied weekends and ruined vacations and holidays goodbye. Government workers are not encouraged to do overtime, and they go home at 5:00 p.m. unless the Martians have just landed and some form of response is necessary. Just look at the way they handled Katrina. It’s not like they didn’t get down there, eventually. They just did it on Government time. On the whole, it won’t be a huge shock, I don’t believe, to move from corporate governance to government corporatude. It might even be an improvement. I mean, how much fun are you having right now anyhow? Stay in touch. Don’t forget to write. In triplicate, if possible. Luv ya, Dad Big changes are coming to people that will effect their lifestyles. The smart ones will roll with the punch and develop new hobbies and interests. Going green, being thrifty, staying close to home and improving the old neigbourhood may just be the answer to give people a new sense of mental well being. Enjoy life while you can, nobody has been able to do it twice. Posted By Jack Hammond Canada : July 11, 2008 3:37 pm
Fannie Mae is like the wicked witch of the west, and the failing financial sector is the water. I’M MELTING! I’M MELTING! NO! Only, this time when she melts dorothy is screwed. And her house fell on Freddie Mac, the wicked wizard of the east! Posted By Josh, Tucson, Az : July 11, 2008 5:02 pm
And don’t forget that as US government employees you’ll now be getting a nice, defined benefit pension and guaranteed healthcare when you retire. See, that wasn’t so bad, was it? Posted By JLarkin, Marietta GA : July 12, 2008 1:17 pm
You forgot to mention the part about NOT TAKING RISK! The primary focus of your new job is to STAY EMPLOYED until you qualify for the U.S. Government Pension. No more 401k worries, no more company stock options. If you don’t get fired, you will retire in style. You don’t need a promotion to earn your way to a more comfortable retirement, you don’t need to stand out from your co-workers. You can’t be fired unless you do something differently than the way you did it before. If you just do the same things the same way, you can’t be fired. Show up, do as little as possible, prosper. Posted By Bruce, Portland-OR : July 12, 2008 7:50 pm
well first off if the Government set this up then they should be running the but bush should not have any say in it he has messed things up too much already and last Government time is every tax payers time we write there paycheck with our tax dollars Posted By Anonymous : July 12, 2008 11:36 pm
Hey, kids, just remember that your daddy can use overstatements with the worst of them. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. Just keep in mind that’s he’s just that’s he’s as opinionated as the rest of us, Signed, a 68-year-old city public library employee who often works overtime, with no pay, and who has formed, over the long decades she has worked to help people find the information they seek in public libraries,a bristling, opinionated kneejerk reaction against opinionated people who, with one kneejerk, accuse all public employees of yawning away the tax dollars they begrudge us. Posted By Carolyn Weathers, Long Beach CA : July 13, 2008 2:58 am
Who gets the golden parachute on this one? Posted By Ron L. Terre Haute, Indiana : July 13, 2008 9:42 am
Funny Blog, Bing. Posted By Lisa Hough-Kovacs, Contoocook, NH : July 14, 2008 12:07 pm
Cheap shot, Stanley. As a former government employee who sold out for the big bucks of the private sector, I can tell you that I worked harder and longer, on more important issues, and got a greater sense of satisfaction from my government employment. If you judge yourself and others by the clothes they wear and the restaurants they frequent, then I guess you’re cool enough to write a blog for Fortune. But if you want to actually work for a living, then public service is a pretty fulfilling way to go. Maybe you should try it sometime, before talking down to all those who walk the walk. Sure, I know your blog is supposed to be sarcastic; but it’s also insulting in this case. Posted By Steve, Charleston, WV : July 14, 2008 3:17 pm
Ouch! Posted By Bruce,Croton NY : July 14, 2008 3:29 pm
I’d like to apologize to anybody in the public sector who was offended by this. Seriously. I know most of you work hard. I don’t know what came over me. Perhaps I was confusing you with your bosses. Posted By Bing : July 14, 2008 5:30 pm
You’ve got it wrong about the guberment. The goobs — at least those in DC — love their long lunches, especially during summer-intern season. Nobody complains because they’re either a fellow goob (and take long lunches as well), or sucking off of Uncle Sam’s sugar teat and do not want that contract terminated. There are, however, lots of hard working goobs and I have great admiration and respect for them. Much of DC, however, is a jobs program. It is the definition of workfare. Now, if you’ll pardon me, there’s a nipple here that requires some of my attention. Posted By Ivan, Washington, DC : July 17, 2008 5:40 pm
Welp, they did it! Bailed another one out. They talk about the taxpayers (which are the working class people) to foot this huge “invoice”. What’s going to happen when there is no more money to fix their bad business decisions when people have lost and are losing their jobs left and right and have to pay for the banking mess. The million dollar question is, or should I say “trillion dollar” question is; Why don’t the huge profit making corporate monsters foot the bill,for instance the oil companies! After all they have all the money and the marbles. Posted By Janet Higgins, Springboro, Ohio : September 8, 2008 5:44 pm
Yep, they did. Another bailout. And it IS sort of pathetic, how we all keep footing the bill. There is some small comfort in the fact that all the morons and lying buttheads who let the thing get this bad are on the beach. But you’ve got to think that they’re not really suffering all that badly. Anybody know what the severance package for quasi-government agencies is like? Beyond that, I’ll be honest with you. As much as a bailout seems like perpetuation of a bad cycle, the prospect of NO bailout is too terrifying to consider, I think. People need loans. The credit institutions — particularly the really big ones — shouldn’t fail, as much as it might please us to see the ruin fall on the guilty. It would also fall on a lot of innocent, and I always figure it’s better if the innocent survive, even if it spares a few of the guilty. Posted By Bing : September 8, 2008 6:33 pm
|
Have you mastered your executricks?
Are you enjoying the perks of executive life, while working only when absolutely essential? Take this quiz to find out if you're an accomplished trickster.
 
Stanley Bing
Stanley Bing is a Fortune columnist and best-selling author of business books noted for their wisdom as well as their sharp, slightly acrid sense of humor. He is also the only writer on business and the workplace who still puts on a suit and tie and goes to do battle with the dragons that breathe fire at corporate America every day. This blog captures what remains of his brain after it has exploded in all other directions.
|
||
|
Middle and lower income people are the most threatened; because, they pay taxes.
Past Presidents manipulated the “ALTERNATIVE MINIMUM TAX” so that those who became subject to it will pick up a bigger portion of the tax tab.
The savvy speculators, who liposuction off profits from complex compound funds, make them disappear.
The “ANOREXIC CARCASS” created by them is left to be rehabilated by taxpayers.
Originally, A.M.T. was an add on tax for the rich to make them pay their fair share.
In 1986 under “REAGAN”, Congress repealed the add on tax completely. Under the “TAXPAYER RELIEF ACT” OF 1986″, “REAGAN” altered the A.M.T. from an add on tax, completely replacing with the “REGULAR TAX”.
Hence the “TRICKLE DOWN ECONOMICS” was a disguise for “TRICKLE DOWN TAXATION”.
Exemptions, till today, are not adjusted for inflation.
A.M.T.’s highest tax rate is 28%, those with a higher tax rate do not pay A.M.T. tax.
In 2000 Congress voted to abolish the A.M.T. and “PRESIDENT, BILL CLINTON” vetoed it???
In 2005, the “PRESIDENT’S TAX ADVISORY COUNCIL” reported to “PRESIDENT BUSH” that the A.M.T. is “NOT FAIR-SIMPLE-EFFICIENT”; reform was recommended; however it wasn’t what “PRESIDENT BUSH” wanted to hear.
We the people get the “ANNUAL PATCH”. Those, “THE PRIVILEGED” get absolved.