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Friday, January 2, 2009 at 3:41 pm
I don’t know if you’ve ever been to this part of the world. It’s pretty nice. The air is crisp with the smell of pine and redwood, and a faint tang of wood smoke hangs in the mist that creeps with little cat’s feet up the street in the early daylight. An occasional jogger goes by, puffing. Downtown, people walk about, mostly with dogs, sipping on cups of ridiculously strong coffee. Bucolic is the word that comes to mind. Quite a few of the stores have shut down on the streets that feed the main square. The times are a’changing, and not for the better, here as everywhere. But people still say Good Morning here, as Papa John Phillips once noticed, and really mean it. Anyhow, there I am, standing in the first light of a new year, breathing in the fresh, clean smell of all that potentiality just hanging there, and in the distance, coming up the avenue, I see two of a certain kind of weird animal that exists around here. A couple of really skinny guys dressed from head to toe in festival spandex, streaking toward me on $3000 mountain bikes. I watch them approach. And as they whisk by I hear two things. First, the whoosh of air as they go past at blinding speed. And second, the voice of one spandexer to the other, raised to be heard over the sound of the wind. “They’re offering six percent!” is what I hear, and then they are gone down the road. From this I take two things. First, that people who have been taught to do nothing but walk like ducks, talk like ducks, will always be ducks. And second, that these guys are the kind of morons whose mindset created this recession and will keep it on track for the better part of this year. Because you know what? Nobody legit is offering 6%. Yikes! Let the head-shaking and eye-rolling begin anew for 2009. Meet the new bozos, same as the old bozos. (It’s a shame to sully The Who with my cheap twist on their lyric. Still, it had to be done.) Posted By Bruce Geiger, Madison, WI : January 2, 2009 5:48 pm
Yeah Bing, I get the same kinda nostalgia, as I walk behind my snow blower, smelling the crisp tang of wood smoke in the air. Watching little old ladies stroll past clutching their groceries in minus 28 degree temps today, with the wind chill it’s -40.. Sometimes I feel like offering some of them a ride home as they go by,,,but then walking in the cold is what makes tough old birds like them live longer… Where I come from 6% in a conversation refers to the road grade,,,up hill or down hill take your pick… The local banks are offering 1 & 1/2 % if you tie your money up for a long long time.. The experts are predicting a drop of -38…naw that’s not percentage of wallstreet stock….that’s temperature tonight…wind chill is extra…who knows what that number will be.. On the plus side of zero..we have 40% but that refers to alcohol content…. Day 2 of the new year and only 6 more months of winter to go…damm makes me feel frisky…. Posted By Jack Hammond Canada : January 2, 2009 8:24 pm
ya, that’s what I would think. if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. so here i am with my manulife insurance company investments, which i bought just a few months ago. they are supposed to pay me 5.5%. not such an outrageous sum, i thought at the time. now i’m worried. thnx a lot. Posted By Doug Stewart, Montreal Canada : January 2, 2009 9:00 pm
While I would like to see this financial meltdown reverse itself as soon as possible (to end some very real, agonizing and undeserved suffering), I also worry that if your spandex warriors have their way, we’ll never see the kind of attitude changes needed in the business community. I’m afraid we’ll not really experience the sort of societal ‘Significant Life Event’ that will stop rewarding (and idolizing)investment expectations based on sheer greed. We don’t seem to learn very rapidly. Though I am personally delighted as anyone about low fuel prices, the recent uptick in purchases of fuel guzzling trucks and SUV’s demonstrates how ingrained is our duck-like behavior. It’s already quite obvious that the beneficiaries of the taxpayer funded bailout moneys have no intent of altering their mindset. The funds are being hoarded, handed out in ill-deserved bonuses, or to acquire weakened competitors (with the final result a momentary increase in share price as the market delights in the reduction of human overhead costs through layoffs). It certainly isn’t being used to free up the flow of credit. Of course, with no jobs people have little use for credit…..but that’s not a very good long-term game plan for generating corporate revenue. Maybe no amount of pain will ever be enough to end the irresistable allure of getting ’something for nothing’. Posted By Mike, Spokane, WA : January 2, 2009 9:00 pm
I’m offering 6% to my good friends. Posted By H . Pauson : January 2, 2009 11:01 pm
Bing, what the hell are you doing on MY side of the continent? Posted By Mike, Spokane, : January 3, 2009 12:38 am
An old saying that I’m reminded of by this “Bing Blog” is the “Tale Of The Turtle And The Hare”. In real life, while the rabbit’s life span is minimal, the turtle can survive a century or more. The spandex enthusiast tends to leap before he looks, the seasoned veteran will look before he leaps. The spandex enthusiast might not flinch about running the hare down; but, he may very well respect and pay attention to the big old turtle challengeing him for road space. Clint Eastwood: “GRAN TORINO”, “get off of my lawm!”, stikes one as the wise old turtle. The “ROAD RUNNER”, “beep beep”, strikes one as being on the road leading to the “bridge to nowhere”, hoping to cuddle up for a snooze in “never never land”. Posted By Bob Shelby Twp. Mi. : January 3, 2009 9:43 am
when the government subsidizes bad business behavior why would people change their approach. where’s the incentive to do the right thing? Posted By Insert Name Here, New Jersey : January 3, 2009 12:27 pm
I’m sure there is a yet-to-be-discovered ponzi scheme thats filling the void since Madof collapsed. Posted By Big Bill, Kalispell Montana : January 3, 2009 3:04 pm
maybe they were referring to a family loan. Posted By Josh, Tucson, Az : January 3, 2009 3:11 pm
It’s pretty scary out there when there’s no credit freed up, but it’s even more frightening when people might lose what savings they have to crooks(people like Madoff). It would be difficult for a company to make a profit offering 6%, especially since the prime rate is so low. Let’s hope there’s not many more Madoff’s out there. The moral of the story is: Patience is a virtue. Posted By Anne, Tyler, TX : January 3, 2009 6:07 pm
Nothing has changed, mate. Most people haven’t adjusted their point of view, or have changed their outlook. Here in the northeast, for example, folks are refusing to lower the price of their houses because “it’s worth more.” Not “it WAS worth more.” What we have is a culture problem. Changing it is step 1. “Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it.” Posted By John Steinhauser, Boston, MA : January 4, 2009 8:07 am
I suspect that Mr. Six Percent was talking about the refinance rate on his underwater mansion. Also–as a fat guy who rides a bike: please, no more spandex jerseys on fat guys riding bikes! Okay, XXXLance? Posted By Chris in Cape Coral, Florida : January 4, 2009 10:00 am
remember, an asset is only worth what someone is willing to pay for Posted By Insert Name Here, New Jersey : January 4, 2009 7:05 pm
Mystifying. Is this the alcohol content of a good beer, maybe? Six percent — seems so out-of-context these days, doesn’t it? Posted By Bill, Laurel, MD : January 4, 2009 9:15 pm
For all we know the guy could have been referring to surgical augmentation of his manhood. Posted By Dooley, Geneva, Vexed : January 5, 2009 10:09 am
Normally that kind of people are “wannabes” and they go around throwing names, numbers, etc, etc, just to impress people, they are normally astute but not intelligent, therefore incapable of create anything but laughter from those around them with their efforts to impress people. Posted By Isaac, Culver City Ca. : January 5, 2009 11:17 am
As Billy Preston sang,”nothin’ from nothin’ leaves nothin’”…that being said, I’m offering 12 percent to any spandex-clad waddler on a bike here in NY… Posted By Robbie P, Endicott NY : January 5, 2009 11:37 am
I thnk I’ve seen this movie before. There’s panic, and blood in the water, and many formerly respectable bonds have gone to junk status. If you can pick up dead meat for twenty cents on the dollar, and it’s worth forty cents on the dollar in liquidation, that’s a hell of a return. Maybe the biker has been talking to the next Milken. How “legit” that may be is left to the reader. Posted By Leeroy : January 5, 2009 11:41 am
Only in Northern California…and you gotta be a biker wearing spandex. Posted By Charlie Los Angeles, CA : January 5, 2009 1:59 pm
Hi, I’m currently earning 6.5% on a savings account – perfectly legit. Also made 43.66% in the market last year. Sorry. Posted By Forest, London, England. : January 5, 2009 2:34 pm
I think I speak for the rest of the group when I say congratulations, and we hate you. Posted By Bing : January 5, 2009 2:38 pm
Ahh, yup, well the savings account was open to anyone who was interested – I think the offer has now closed. As for the market, well thats down to individual stocks I guess (and buying very cheap). Posted By Forest, London, England : January 5, 2009 3:16 pm
I’m offering 6% to my good friends. Posted By Bernie Madoff, NYC : January 6, 2009 12:31 pm
Bernie! Thanks for writing, you old dog! Posted By Bing : January 6, 2009 2:33 pm
Bing you are right,,Nobody legit is offering 6% But I need some advice, A local neigbourhood kid, lives a couple of doors down the street, has approached me for a small business loan. I realize that making a loan to a guy with a ring through his nose and tattos all over the place is different than a guy in a pinstriped suit….but the return is hard to pass up… Whadda ya think… Posted By Jack Hammond Canada : January 7, 2009 7:20 pm
Give him the loan and keep the Harley. Posted By Bing : January 7, 2009 8:30 pm
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Stanley Bing
Stanley Bing is a Fortune columnist and best-selling author of business books noted for their wisdom as well as their sharp, slightly acrid sense of humor. He is also the only writer on business and the workplace who still puts on a suit and tie and goes to do battle with the dragons that breathe fire at corporate America every day. This blog captures what remains of his brain after it has exploded in all other directions.
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So I’m standing at the end of my driveway yesterday, early morning in my little corner of northern California, January 1, 2009.
Maybe they weren’t talking finance at all. Maybe the café up there has milk as ridiculously strong as its coffee.
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