The Saudis killed all their pigs. They closed the schools in Chicago (and a bunch here in Texas). If the Vice President kept his yapper open another few seconds this morning he would have shut down the entire airline industry.

We might just have to close the border, but darn it, we don’t intend to wash our hands any more nor wipe down the doorknobs, computer keyboards and elevator buttons around here. No sir.

Wait! The most important question is how they are going to cook all those Eqyptian pigs. I suggest Eastern North Carolina barbeque, but some people like it prepared in an alternative fashion. (Yes, I agree it is hard to understand, but I have read about it on the internet.) Whip up some sauce! We will need some slaw too as well as some hushpuppies.

You look sick – bags under the eyes, wild hair, pasty skin – but I think it’s due to years of self-abuse and neglect, not the flu.

Bing, it must be catching. The media caught it. The nightly news spent the first three broadcasts this week trying to create a nationwide panic. Last night they made a big production telling everyone to remain calm. Maybe we should sneeze on them all.

I’m looking at the bright side — maybe this will get teleworking in motion. Might get me off the cubicle farm one day a week. I’d like that. I could get more accomplished.

I could see lots of traffic benefits, too. Use less foreign oil. Wait until the conspiracy theorists get hold of it — they’ll have a field day!

My attitude is this: I’ve had the flu before. Now, this one might be especially nasty. And I don’t really want to have to go through feeling like total crap for a week. But as an otherwise healthy 40-something, my risk of dying from this can’t even top the list of possible causes of death over the next month or so, ranked by probability. Same for my family, since I have no infants. So, not going to panic . . . . if it comes, it comes. Oh, well!

Nice Topic Bing. Can’t write ……I have to cancel my trip to Mexico…Try and get my trip to someplace safe…Hey where can you get those hazmat suites?

No, Mr. Bing. According to your blog page you are alternately as black as the Black Plague or white as a sheet. For heavens sake run, don’t walk, to your nearest doctor. Oh yes, and please wash you hands on the way out and be sure to cough into your sleeve. Then burn that jacket or shirt. In fact we’d appreciate you wearing a full-body anti-contamination bubble suit with sealed face window. Just routine caution of course.

I am not compelled to panic, either. Am I missing something?

No need to panic, everyone will exit the planet in an orderly fashion, everyone line up in alphabetical order, Starting with Hammond.

The proper way to step over dead bodies is one leg at a time, while holding on to your face mask.

If you are approached by a mugger, traffic cop or other pest,simply cough in his direction and up chuck a little spit,roll your eyes and pretend to faint, that should protect you from them.

Remember, panic breeds panic, so act calm while crapping in your pants.

What are you doing by writing this story?

My company has no concern whatsoever for our welfare. The least they could do is issue masks.
I’ve been sneaking into the woman’s bathroom with a pocket full of quarters the last couple days. I figure a maxi-pad and rubber bands should save me.

This may seem a little twisted, but I actually find it a bit refreshing that there’s a panic on something other than bad economic news.

Be careful, Matt. Some fates are worse than a few days of swine flu.

Well, there’s this: http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/columnists/chi-kass-30-apr30,0,5835087.column

Some celebrity needs to step and do something stupid. Then the media circus can refocus.

Britney? Mel? Brangelina?

Your country needs you.

Hey Anonymous in London! Lighten UP Dude!!!!! This is humor – this is funny – this is poking fun at the near mass hysteria over the freakin’ flu.

Well there is some good news – the price of babyback ribs is sure to fall.

Ahhh…shooo!!! Boy, I can’t shake this cold off since I came from Cabo.

Don’t follow the noise, follow the money.

There they go again, blowing hot smoke to to cover the withdrawl of accumulated profits reaped by the short sellers on Wall Street.

Not smart to try to fool mother nature, putting lipstick and rouge on a swine does not cover-up the crime.

To Another Brick in the Wall:

We don’t need no swine pandemic.
What we need is media control.
No dark sarcasm in the newsroom,
Gatekeeper, keeper,
Leave this hype alone.

All and all
you’re just another
pimp on a roll.

All and all
you’re just another
pimp on a roll

How can you have any panademic,
if you don’t sell the hype?

If you don’t sell the hype how can you have a pandemic?

Wrong do it again.

Wrong do it again.

I think the media have jumped on this story simply because there aren’t any missing blonde girls, presidential indiscretions nor any shark attacks!

Why worry, the planet could lose a 100 million people and never even notice it; they’ll just make more.

I would like to point out that we just had flu go through the country and thousands of people died but the season was mild and below epidemic threshold. Now we have another and it’s a new type so there is little resistance and swine flu may keep coming back. Here is the quandary (the same as with west nile); if getting the virus gives life long immunity, isn’t it best to get sick when under the age of 55? After this age, if one has managed to avoid the virus one is at much greater risk of dying if eventually infected.
Our immunity is built on withstanding infection while young. If someone contracts this virus, it also may give partial immunity to other similar, but nastier viruses.
Oh, Bing and Jack, the main ingredient in hand sanitizer is alcohol, so go ahead and sterilize the old throat for health reasons.

By the way, on the last post, kudos Bill on the Bushmobile. That’s pretty darn funny.

Bing: The “Bird Flu2(tm)”flu is what we were all worried about three years ago, come true.

However, it’s a joke compared to the issue I just received that was mislabeled 5-11-09, instead of the April 1st 2012 issue.

I especially liked the gun lobby, buy a politician article about Ponzi Madoff.

REASONS TO PANIC. 1.The health police ban beer, wine, good whiskey and fine cigars. 2. Obama’s telepromter breaks 3. The little green men land in DC and demand that Alan Greenspan return. 4. If Biden ever shuts up 5.The price of a double whopper with cheese is increased 6. If network TV disappears and no one notices. 7. If next months panic gets no TV time.

Laurel, thank you! I had qualms about posting it, but my typing fingers got ahead of my restraining system. And besides, somebody had to post it, correct?

Lets see: so far I have survived the big 80’s decade with all the sex, drugs and rock n roll you can imagine, two divorces, three affairs while I was married, seven IRS audits, the dotcom bubble burst, one heart attack, knee surgery, one detox stay at a nice clinic, my diet of two cigars and half quart of Chivas a day, living in LA…..ask me if I’m scared of the porky flu….

Bing: The economy has effected the cash flow to the Dr offices. Look deep to find the AMA,drug companies,and congressional bribes behind the panic. Seems a great way to increase traffic to the protected classes. Flu medicine is selling at $50 for six tablets in Denver, but you must have an Rx. Something is wrong in River City. Oh, the cost of health care!

I wonder which tie will go with my MOPP suit?

Isaac, though I am quite a bit older,(having survived the 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, 90’s),I applaud your love of life. After what we’ve been through, we’re not about to wuss-out to some damn ‘porky flu’.

They’ll have to drag me out of the front door, my krusty old long nails digging deep furroughs through the paint, only to find my ancient dental snags planted deep in their ankle (wait till they think about the pathogens I could have easily acquired after a life-time of ill-advised pleasures).

Then they’ll have to contend with my fully distended ‘Depends’ loaded with a geriatric intestinal bolus, at which time I’ll ask if I have a chance with their mom.

Swine Flu my ass.

Jeez, Mike. How frickin’ old ARE ya?

Or, to put it another way, I’m old enough to remember combat rations that included cute little mini-packs of brand-name cigarettes. And they were, by far, the most palatable part of the meal. Bob, of Michigan, probably goes back as far as having to eat ‘bully-beef’ canned during the Teddy Roosevelt era. Then, as now, their actual concern for the troops went as far as the recruiting posters.