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BingYesterday I offered what I believe was a surprisingly mature, incredibly modulated response to the Microsoft (MSFT) announcement that it was appropriating my brand with its new search engine: Bing.  In response to my moderate outrage, the internet lit up like a roman candle. Quite a few fine outlets either simply re-ran my news release or had their own thoughts on the subject. Here are some of my favorites: 

The Big Money, which got picked up on Reuters… 

… Wired 

… TechCrunch

… The Daily Beast

… and even the august Wall Street Journal

If you read the comments that attend these postings, it’s clear that some people got it and some really didn’t. A bunch of technoids compared me with Spike Lee, who sued Spike TV when it changed its name from whatever it used to be. Others scolded me for forgetting to mention Bing Crosby, although they might have been kidding. One group that DID get it, I’m a little sorry to say, is the gang over at Microsoft Search. They replied to my polite onslaught as follows: 

A Letter to Bing

Dear Bing (the Author),

We couldn’t help sit up and take notice of your offer of services from one Bing to another.  We were moderately surprised and mildly excited. As you might have guessed, today is quite a big day for us.  Even so, we dropped everything when we saw your press release this morning.  After an emergency meeting (three people were invited, all declined), we’ve decided to take you up on your offer.  We’re not certain what exactly this would involve. We’re not certain it would pay much (nothing, actually) but we look forward to starting a dialogue and hope we can work together soon.  Let’s do lunch. In the meantime we are sending you a case of moderately priced cigars.

 Your pals,

Bing.com

It’s clear I’ve got them on the ropes.




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Purchased a case of green beans.

Had a case of poison ivy.

Knew a Justin Case.

Open case.

Closed case.

Cold case.

Cold case of beer.

Wax on.

Wax off.

But a “case” of cigars?

Nevair!!!!!

Posted By Paul, Miami, Fl. : May 29, 2009 1:35 pm

“Microsoft Bing”…”Bing it”…perhaps.

“DirectJump” might sound a little more official though.

Posted By Direct Jump, Minneapolis, MN : May 29, 2009 1:35 pm

Nobody in Microsoft Corporation knows who Bing Crosby was. Some of them remember Chandler Bing. Virtually everyone at Microsoft knows who you are.

They should at least make ‘em cubans.

Posted By Mike Jackson – Austin, Texas : May 29, 2009 2:13 pm

I love that Microsoft “got it” and their response letter was brilliant. There may be hope for their “decision engine” over at bing.com after all……as long as they follow through with the cigars.

Posted By Greg, Key Largo : May 29, 2009 2:56 pm

Years ago, a friend of mine at Sears (remember Sears?) was working in their PR office. They received a very polite note from a man who said that he had never before made a point of it, but that now that he had lost his job and was experiencing hard times, it was time that Sears paid him something for using his name. The note was signed Ken More. I think they sent him a gift certificate.

Posted By Rick, Washington DC : May 29, 2009 3:00 pm

This is moderate genius which has caused a slightly understated moderate uptake in interest around both the Bing brand and the Bing search engine. This is the sound of one hand clapping for you both.

Posted By Jenn, King of Prussia, PA : May 29, 2009 3:14 pm

No offense, but I have never heard of you before. Ever. It would appear as though you are benefiting at Microsoft’s cost and you should be the one sending them cigars :) . I surely would not have visited this blog had I not accidentally clicked on something tweeted from the Microsoft Bing Twitter account.

I’ve spent my whole life working as a developer utilizing Microsoft development technologies and pitching their products and I’ve never gotten an ounce personal attention from them (some day I will blog about this). I wish they would have picked my name!

Posted By Joel, Minneapolis MN : May 29, 2009 3:16 pm

Detroit: Who is Mayor Bing?

Posted By Bob, Michigan : May 29, 2009 3:20 pm

I think it would be easier for them to rename their product offering something like “Poindexter” or “Bob” (Oh, wait. They already had a product named that, which lasted like 17 minutes.).

And if your price is too rich for them, I might be willing to part with my brand, “Ivan”. Waddayasay, Microsoft?

Posted By Ivan, Washington DC : May 29, 2009 3:26 pm

If Microsoft’s BING stands for “But It’s Not Google”, does your name stand for “But I’m Not God” (even though you might think I am)?

Posted By Philip, NY, NY : May 29, 2009 3:36 pm

Will you have to change your name to Bada Bing?

Posted By C-dog, Boston : May 29, 2009 3:38 pm

Bing,

With a little patience I think you can turn this into a lucrative deal because Microsoft has obviously reached their peak in the operating system business. With the departure of Bill Gates (and no sign of Steve Jobs coming in to rescue the company), I suspect Microsoft’s days are numbered as a software titan. This seems like the perfect time for a Bing(the Author)-Microsoft merger.

This could work similar to the Time Warner merger with AOL. You could eventually spin off that loser Microsoft Corporation,ending up sole owner of both Bing(the Author) and Bing.com. Sure, your goodwill may take a hit in the short run, but with your razor sharp business acumen you could turn this into a quite profitable venture in the long run.

Posted By John, Los Angeles CA : May 29, 2009 3:45 pm

I found the demo quite interesting. I am going to look for http://www.proautograph.com as soon as Bing goes live

Posted By Jack Hartford WI : May 29, 2009 4:00 pm

Before this thing of ours gets off the ground I got a coupla friends who can make sure the unions don’t give ya no trouble. You need protection. I got yer back.

Posted By Sammy the Rodent, Atlantic City, NJ : May 29, 2009 8:08 pm

This is just “right.” I sense weeks, nay, months of ideas for you. Congratulations!

Posted By VLaslow, Banning, CA : May 29, 2009 8:30 pm

That is hilarious! Glad to see that the Microsoft Search team has a great sense of humor!

Posted By Laura, Greenville SC : May 30, 2009 12:29 am

The first sign of weakness is when they offer moderately priced cigars.
Tell them you would like a huge box of thousand dollar bills to light them with,,,so you and your lawyer can have a good smoke.

That should get their attention.

Posted By Jack Hammond Canada : May 30, 2009 3:02 am

Bing I know you are not into this for the money,,,,rather it is a matter of high moral standard that you wish to preserve with regard to your name and reputation.

However should they offer you a large sum of money as compensation for damages to your sterling reputation, I would be happy to take the money on your behalf, so you could remain untainted by such crude gesture of recompense.

Your soon to be new pal.. Jack Hammond

Posted By Jack Hammond Canada : May 30, 2009 3:16 am

Bing, it appears you picked up a few new visitors to the site. Just remember that those of us who knew about you before this will always consider you as THE Bing.

Now, after that great setup and the Microsoft reply, can I borrow a cigar?

Posted By Jim, Winston-Salem, NC : May 30, 2009 9:44 am

MSN has never really had there mind in the real world.
There continued failures show it in there track record.
There search engines are messy, confusing, and easy to get lost in. Can you say google.com.

Posted By WM, HERE oregon : May 30, 2009 12:28 pm

Actually, as Spike Lee proved, you can’t sue corporations when they steal your name. For some reason, people don’t identify with the guy who sues. They think he’s a jerk getting in the way of commerce. That’s why I’m thinking of rebranding myself Bill Gates.

Posted By Bing : May 30, 2009 1:02 pm

“Bing” is Harry Lillis “Bing” Crosby to me.

Posted By Thinmint, Portland Oregon : May 30, 2009 7:36 pm

Bing me up, Scotty.

Posted By Joe from Toronto : May 30, 2009 9:35 pm

Oh, my..Bing. Do you think Microsoft was aware of you when they picked this name? Perhaps yes, and then…well, Microsoft has never shown much sensitivity toward other companies. Perhaps not – I only stumbled upon your blogs because of the “50 BS Jobs,” which was great BTW. No one else I mention this blog to had ever of of you. I think there are bigger problems in the world (and the U.S.) right now than Microsoft’s decision to name a search engine “bing” (a pretty silly name for a search engine anyway if you ask me). Besides, they will never outgrow Google, so the whole issue is kind of mute. But then, perhaps, I’m just one of those who “don’t get it.”

Posted By Indiana : May 31, 2009 12:11 am

“It’s clear I’ve got them on the ropes”.

Thinking of “Johnny Cash”, and his signature song, “I walk the line”.

I keep my eyes wide open all the time. It’s very easy to be true, but when I find myself alone with you, I expect you to play the same tune, too.

When the cocktail party begins and the first martinis are consumed, everbody is one happy family; then, when the hair comes down, the ties open up, the coats come off, and the straight talk begins, the attorneys are all tuned in with eyes and ears wide open.

Free bar now? Maybe? Enjoy now, pay later? Perhaps.

Stan, in your league, I doubt if anything comes free!

Posted By Bob, Michigan : May 31, 2009 8:34 am

Indiana, your little comment gives me two thoughts. First, it’s clear you don’t travel in the right circles. But if this whole thing ends up bringing me more of you Bingless individuals, then I’m glad it happened. Stick around for a while. You may have fun. This brings me to my second point. If you guys ARE going to have any fun on this site, and most who decide to stay do, you’re going to have to grow a tiny little sense of humor, or at least sensitivity to irony. I will say I have never seen such an amazing bunch of literal-minded people as my new friends who came in from this controversy. Your comments fall into two camps. The first is made up of folks who are angry at me because I’m attacking their beloved Microsoft, along with assumptions that I’m going to sue somebody. How stupid do you think I am? You think I want to spend 20 years and all my money to battle with Big Brother? It took the entire continent of Europe to succeed at that. I’m not Europe. The second group is made up of Microsoft-haters, who jump up and down with their hair on fire and remind us of all of Big Bro’s failings. The two groups are united by a singular inability to get the joke. Look. It’s not my fault you guys haven’t heard of me, but now you have. I’ve been hiding on the back page of FORTUNE Magazine for 15 years. That’s a pretty public spot. Before that, I had 2500 words in Esquire for 11 years. I have about a dozen books, some of them best-sellers, and a score of foreign editions that even I can’t read, because they’re languages so arcane that I can’t even understand the copyright page. I’m not a household name, I grant you. But now you’re here. Welcome! And just FYI? Some of the stuff you see here is supposed to be funny. Some of it is angry. And most of it is both.

Posted By Bing : May 31, 2009 11:21 am

Oh, no. I’m crushed. Well, since you so obviously travel in the “right circles,” perhaps you can give me some pointers, lol. I do have a sense of humor in fact and an even better sense of irony; however, your blog concerning Miscrosoft didn’t strike me as particularly funny. Besides, in this litigious society it wouldn’t be surprising if you did sue…or at least threatened to.

Posted By Indiana : May 31, 2009 7:04 pm

Dude you gotta sue. This is America and you gotta follow the American Dream(sue the pants off someone). Be a symbol to all of the oppressed people in America. You hold the power. Don’t let the cigars fool you, unless they are filled with Lil Waynes choice of cigar, that may make you forget what Microsoft has done to you.

Posted By Eric, Cincinnati : May 31, 2009 8:45 pm

Microsoft is evil, evil I tell you. They are trying to take over the world. The New World Order is their montage. Do what Europe does and sue them to make a living. File in Europe so there is no questions to why this lawsuit is filed, they will embrace it and you with open arms and maybe even more.

Posted By ObamaFan Chicago, IL : May 31, 2009 10:53 pm

ObamaFan? I hope you’re kidding.

Posted By Bing : June 1, 2009 12:37 am

Could be worse…

“Microsoft Buys TLC network… Jon & Kate Plus 8 Move Into Office Next to Bing”

http://www.sawyerspeaks.wordpress.com

Posted By sawyerspeaks : June 1, 2009 9:46 am

Congrats on the cigars!

Sounds like you and the MS Bing team have a future – at least of enjoying rarified humor over adult beverages!

I guess there are advantages to not buying your name as a domain. Just think, if you had done that, MS might have picked something else, and you would have to buy your own cigars for a month.

Posted By JAy., Houston, TX : June 1, 2009 9:52 am

go baby go! hey bing, tell indiana you get the babes too.

also, did you ever think of doing a colbert nation type of action? get your fans organized to put your name on something via this serendipitous name association?
(hopefully better than a urine recycling system but that may be a plus for the san fran set)

Posted By laurel, Santa Barbara CA : June 1, 2009 12:42 pm

Better MS search engine names, go!

BlueScreen.com
Bling.net
MSSearchForSure.us
ZuneMeHard.com
Bingo.com
Mahalo.com

Posted By Bob, Wichita, KS : June 1, 2009 1:55 pm

All of you Microsoft newcomers who have never heard of Stan (the Man) need to go bing Bing.

Personally, I’d much rather bing Danica Patrick.

Stan, you may not need to sue Microsoft for the money, but if their latest effort lasts longer than “Bob” did, you may need to save the world from having to deal with “bing” the verb.

Posted By Leeroy : June 1, 2009 2:15 pm

For curiosity, I put both Google and Bing through their paces and searched for… “Bing”.

Google found this blog and displayed it in the first page of links. Bing did not display it in the first three pages of links, so I gave up.

Also of interest: you can get a Bing surfboard, a Bing custom home, and that there is some guy named Aaron Bing whose website appears to have been suspended.

The Federation of European Rigid Polyurethane Foam Associations is also known as BING, although for the life of me I can’t figure out why (FERPFA would seem more appropriate, albeit less appealing).

Posted By ChicagoSail, Chicago IL : June 1, 2009 2:31 pm

If they are going to steal your name, at least they could have put it on something interesting.

Another search engine…yawn.

Posted By Jake, Mpls, MN : June 1, 2009 2:50 pm

Bing my man, I’ve been enjoying your books and the back page of Fortune for years and have recently stumbled across this blog as well. Good to see both you and bing.com team seem to have a sense of humor about the whole thing and I hope they follow through with the box of cigars.

Looks like you’re ahead already; I think you have a few new readers and the aforementioned cigars (at least you can count those in your A/R).

As for how good or bad a choice “bing” is as a search brand, well, people thought “google” was silly when it was launched and it doesn’t seem so silly now – I can’t say that “bing” isn’t a stroke of genius in that sense either.

Enjoy the cigars and don’t let the haters get you down.

Posted By FascistFB, Winnipeg, Canada : June 1, 2009 4:53 pm

I just saw a post on the Microsoft site that their Bing will be marketed as a “humorous alternative to serious web search portals” and will be both ironic and sardonic at the same time.

In other news, Apple has announced “Mossberg.com”, a search engine that only indexes its own pages…

Posted By Bob, Wichita, KS : June 1, 2009 4:57 pm

Okay now the real important point… If you had control on what type of a cigar you would have what would it be? Upmann, Don Tomas, Ashton, Punch, Cohiba, Macanudo, Uvezian…Well?

Posted By Boston you’re my home, BOSTON, MA : June 1, 2009 5:53 pm

I always like Upmann and Punch. The little fatties that were plump on one end and kinda pointy on the other.

Posted By Bing : June 1, 2009 10:41 pm

If a guy was limited to cigars legal in the USofA, the La Aurora Preferidos (sapphire or emerald) are a good choice if you like the “torpedo” style cigar (and why wouldn’t you?).

Without such limitation, I’d strongly suggest a Hoyo de Monterrey Epicure #1 (or #2) – those be my favorite. Not that you can really go wrong with Upmann or Punch either. Or a Montecristo #2, or a real Cohiba or …

Posted By FascistFB, Winnipeg, Canada : June 2, 2009 12:33 pm

If there’s a retired senior Army officer last name “Motors” out there, I bet he’s kicking himself now for not dreaming up this ploy sooner when a certain auto manufacturer still had enough money to make it worthwhile to sue.

Posted By Mandy Cat, Centennial CO : June 3, 2009 10:00 am

Hey microsoft what is the idea!? I an 56 year old man not taking viagra and married with no children. I used the features that bing won’t allow anymore to get me excited and put me in the mood for sex with my wife and bing killed it. I never contacted any of the web sites but becamed turned on with a healthy sex life. Thanks Microsoft as soon as I can afford a new computer I will switch to apple machines

Posted By Dan Lake Havasu City : June 4, 2009 9:22 pm

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Stanley Bing
Stanley Bing is a Fortune columnist and best-selling author of business books noted for their wisdom as well as their sharp, slightly acrid sense of humor. He is also the only writer on business and the workplace who still puts on a suit and tie and goes to do battle with the dragons that breathe fire at corporate America every day. This blog captures what remains of his brain after it has exploded in all other directions.
//for clickability