Oh boy. The “clueless elderly” who were offended by the post “You’re gonna love the digital transition” are going to have a field day with this…

Bing,

I too have a hate/hate relationship with universal remotes. However, if you got everything to turn on, you faired better than I usually do. Typically, there is no programming code for at least one of the three devices I need to work, not to mention the other three devices I would like to work.

Better luck next time!

At first I sympathized with you Bing, as I have a similar frustration with my universal remote that works about 90%, which, in reality is marginally better than 0%.

And then I read ChicagoSail’s reminder about the “clueless elderly”, and am now determined to re-double my efforts to fix the universal remote function to prove, if only to myself, I am not clueless, because I am certainly not elderly.

Stoopid remote…

This is even funnier when read in Andy Rooney’s voice.

http://www.sawyerspeaks.wordpress.com

Those things are designed to never work!!!, My neighbor son, a 17ys old whiz kid, a computer and gadget genius, was not able to set my “”"universal”"” control remote, a $400.00 piece of garbage,,, So, it is not an elderly thing or generational thing or that one is simply “stoopid”, those darn things are specifically designed to frustrate people!!!

You should try out one of the universal remotes that you program on your computer. I’ve got one from logitech, nothing could be simpler. It downloads the codes from the Internet and has you up and running in less than an hour without shuffling through confusing manuals and trying umpteen hundred different configurations. You should give one of them a chance the next time you feel like giving the old universal remote another chance.

Bing the psychic! I just bought another one of these damn things over the weekend. It is now sitting on a desk next to the last one that didn’t work either.

When Krushchev said, “We will bury you.” I had no idea he was referring to the yet to be invented universal remote.

The universal remote is a Communist plot. Da?

Da!

As a previously proud owner of other universals including the Philips Pronto remotes I can tell you that the only ones that mostly work are the Logitech Harmony Remotes. The reason they work is because when they inevitably screw up, you can press the help button and they will make a solid effort to fix the situation including asking you if it worked.

There are ways to make it even tighter including things like IR distribution but that gets into A/V geekery and is not necessary for the average Bing.

Someday before I die, I hope to see an agreed upon (and followed) protocol that runs over something like HDMI cables and brings all my A/V stuff into lovely synchronicity. It’s supposed to exist but it’s still basically vaporware as the companies would prefer you buy all your stuff from them and not from a competitor.

In summary, try the Harmony remote that fits your needs, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

I too have the same problem. I have a cable remote that is universal and doesnt completely run my dvd nor does it run my stereo. I can’t turn my stereo on with the cable remote but good thing that it will run the volume and mute? My stereo remote (universal) wasnt designed for dvr’s so it wont run dvr functions but does run my dvd and stereo (i hope so) but I am at two remotes and I guess that’s where ill stay hearing the stories of 40dollar pieces of garbage helps. Thanks

Old PT Barnum was right!!! All these magic gizmos and gadgets to make life easier ,ah well if they just worked. Us old geezers, gummers and grouches fondly remember the days when we checked the TV guide for what was on the three stations, got up, and turned the knob. I live in Bangalore, the home of techies and nothing at all works here, especially the techies.

My experience with universal remotes, the equivalent of the search for the holy grail, is equally dismal. I have, strewn about the family room, a vast collection of device specific remotes (some may be even be of a vintage in which the parent device was long ago relegated to an environmentally abusive disposal in a third world country a decade, or more, ago). The only larger collection of useless devices I currently possess would be various AC/DC chargers.

Last year I found a fully operational decoding device that was supposed to use TV Guide codes to simplify prorgamming VHS recordings of network programs…like a long lost deep space exploratory probe, it had fruitlessly monitored the airways for new Mork and Mindy episodes. My subscription to TV Guide ran out many years ago, as did the coding system, and of course the series.

I randomly hit remote control buttons, which generally produce unintended results. The situation is further aggravated by the fact that when I do manage to successfully integrate the various components, there is seldom anything of interest displayed anyway. It’s not just that what is available today is in any way inferior to yesteryears’ fare….what was crap then is now crap amplified ten thousand fold now….we were just desperate for anything that could conceivably pass for entertainment in those days….

My garage is slightly less complicated. I’ve found that I can depend upon, at least for now, my IPOD for music (it’s still truly astounding to someone of my age that a rather substantial music collection can reside within an object smaller than an old Chicklets gum pack….hell, most of you aren’t old enough to remember Chicklets), and treasured movie classics on a very simple DVD player.

I know that I can count on the home entertainment industry to shortly ruin such simple pleasures. I suppose my grandfather felt the same way when the spring broke on his victrola (which I still own, now sitting upon an ancient Zenith multi-band radio that the old man and I listened to hear the crack of Joe Dimaggio’s bat on warm Spokane late summer nights).

“But I think the picture is part of the whole deal, don’t you?”

In this age, we’re sort of caught up in the visuals of today.

Now, stanley is highly astute in the production of visuals; how do we know? Why, just look at him when he’s all made up for his periodic CNN infomercial promoting the notorious “Bing Blog”. He’s a “Macho Man” and our illustrious leader! Give em’ hell, Stanley!

Any product that comes with instructions isn’t much of a product.

I knew when they invented the light switch there would be problems,,,is up off or is down off or is the bulb burnt out.

Once we moved beyond the seal oil lamp we set ourselves up for problems.

“You should try out one of the universal remotes that you program on your computer.”

Bing doesn’t have a computer, he has an Apple. That’s sort of like an etcha-sketch, only more hip and you don’t have to shake it.

There are two lessons here…

Lesson 1: Marketing managers get to say, “Hey, wouldn’t it be neat if one remote controlled EVERYTHING?!?” And then all his minions have to run around and try to make it happen. When the end result doesn’t work, the marketing manager decides to sell it anyway in the hope that the folks who buy them are all mopes who will give up, put them in a drawer and forget about them.

Lesson 2: Complicated lash-ups have zero chance of working. Complex systems only work unless there is some Arrogant B*st*rd overseeing the whole effort and demanding that every little bit of it meets his precise specifications.

PS – I would never work for Steve Jobs — who absolutely is an AB — but I’ll buy almost anything he brings to market. He has earned his right to be an AB!

Bing – I usually love your column and I’m not saying I didn’t like this one, but you’re slipping into Andy Rooney territory here.

Hey! What’s the matter with Andy Rooney?

Seriously, get a Harmony by Logictech. I suffered the same as the rest with different brands until I got one of these.
I am on my second one and couldn’t be happier. They work and programming them is as simple as browsing a web page and answering questions about your system. It’s not an hour long guessing game about which code to put it.

And as stated earlier, if something doesn’t come on, the Help function works by asking simple questions, ie “Is the TV on?” and then fixing it for you.

RE “Hey! What’s the matter with Andy Rooney?”

Hard to say, Bing. When you’re over 500 in dog years, there’s usually more than just one thing .

I gave up on universal remotes a long time ago. Too much trouble. Like TV, come to think of it.

I am being killed with tech support for both mothers, and their TV’s. It used to be easy, and they think it still should be. Me too, really. But with the changes, cable glitches, over-the-air-digital, and too many small buttons on remotes, I am losing it.

We have about four remotes for my wife’s mother. She loses them constantly. We find them, and line them up again for the next round of losses. Cable. Too many issues to describe.

My mother is over-the-air digital. Oh heavens. The punch line is always obscured by signal break-up. And the answer on Jeopardy. How I wish my life was so uncomplicated.

When we get the inevitable calls, the first question is, “Have you pushed the TV button?” “No, don’t push DVD or VCR.” “Push TV.” “Now try it.” “No?” “Does the LED light?” “The little red signal light thingie.” “Yes?” “OK, push TV again.”

Bob Newhart would have a field day with this routine. But he is probably occupied trying to make his TV work, too.