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Wednesday, November 11, 2009 at 10:19 am
Today it is reported that Donald Trump, clearly not feeling the pinch of the times, is upgrading his mode of travel and putting his old 1968 private jet on the block. A nice tour of the facilities may be found here on this very site. As jets go, it’s pretty standard. The interior looks like a huge stretch, with inverted glassware and the customary burnished wood everywhere you look. Lots of nice seating. Very comfy. Potential purchasers may wish to remove the enormous TRUMP that festoons the side, as well as the large pouf of ruddy, flaxen hair that has been surgically attached to the front dome, but beyond that it’s pretty much in walk-in condition. The price is reported to be between $4 and $8 million. This doesn’t seem like a lot, frankly, to own a piece of history. I was reading a magazine called Malibu Times last weekend, don’t ask me why, and the smallest, most run-down cottage in that community is going for $4 million and a lot of places are $15 million and up. It’s clear there’s a lot of money around in this supposedly challenged economy. In a few months, employees of the top three bailed out banks, the ones that crawled out from under their TARPs, will be receiving some $30 Billion with a B in Bonuses. That means $250,000 for each, if it was distributed equally, which it won’t be. Some will get BMWs. Others will receive half of Romania. Nobody said that everybody was equal in our society, of course. I mean, you know, we’re all equal, but some are clearly more equal than others. That’s capitalism, God bless its tiny heart. But the gap, ladies and gentlemen, is getting to be wide enough to drive a revolution through. More than 10% unemployed. More than that under-employed. And Donald Trump is upgrading his jet. Something must be done! I say all the readers of this site should consider getting together and purchasing the jet. No, no. Wait a minute. I’m not kidding. If they’re publicly asking for $4 million, I’ll bet we could get it for $3 million. With current financing being the way it is, putting the plane itself up as collateral we could probably finance, say 85% of it. That means coming up with less than half a million. We can do that. Once we have the plane, we could all share it, or even use it for some good purpose. Take food to people who need it. Escort children on rides around scenic locations. Make a whistle stop to various communities who have never seen a private jet, even an old one like this, and instruct them in how successful people conduct themselves. It could be a traveling Museum of Affluence, teaching an important lesson to us all about… something. Perhaps these are not the best ideas. Maybe you can do better. But certainly, a communal ownership of such an important artifact will not only provide an important social purpose, it may also prevent it from falling into the wrong hands. I mean, imagine if the Russians got ahold of it. Let me get the ball rolling. I am personally ready to put up $250 toward this project. That’s all I can afford right now. My daughter is thinking of going to grad school and my son has decided that he doesn’t really like having a job he has to go to every day. Perhaps you can do better. If so, please do so. You know what they say. From each according to his ability. To each according to his need. My daughter’s also thinking about grad school, but I’m in. If I can drive sometimes. Please stow your hair in the overhead compartment. Posted By Jeff S, Madison, WI : November 11, 2009 10:57 am
I’ve got $3.22 in cash on me at the moment. I could buy some cheap cigarettes, a cheap burger from McDumps, but no I’m gonna chip in for that 15% down payment that’s needed so we can fly this thing into a mountain. Posted By JimBeaux, Wichita KS : November 11, 2009 11:40 am
It says TRUMP on the side? Remove the TR and replace with a W WUMP Posted By Tony Smit, Austin TX : November 11, 2009 12:14 pm
I was a little disappointed in the bedroom. I was expecting it to be more kinky or exciting. Posted By Jake, Mpls, MN : November 11, 2009 12:17 pm
How come Trump gets to advertise his plane-for-sale for free here????? Posted By Mary, New York : November 11, 2009 12:37 pm
Sure I’ll contribute…right after I donate money to the US government to help get rid of the 12 trillion dollar public debt, lol. Posted By Indiana : November 11, 2009 1:01 pm
Alright! Here’s comes the big $$$ from Canada, the not-so-affected–country-but-finally-worst-of-what-our-politicians-thought… (sic) I’m ready to pull out of my pocket… let’s say… 10$ for a ride to the nearest town… I’ve got to take that H1N1 vaccine! Posted By Chris, Quebec, Canada : November 11, 2009 1:11 pm
Well, Mary, that’s the way the rich do things. They get a lot of stuff for free that people like us have to pay for. Have you ever noticed that it’s only the upscale grocery stores that have free tastings? Posted By Bing : November 11, 2009 1:12 pm
Bing – absolutely LOVED this article. You hit all the right ironic notes. Now I wonder, when is the rest of the country going to catch on and stop chasing futile dreams such as “I, too, can be a billionaire (or millionaire)in this great egalitarian democracy. All it takes is will power and all those chumps who are feeling economic pain – well, they must be lazy and probably totally worthless as well. Sucks to be them! Oh, wait, I am them…” Posted By Katey Carroll, Walnut Creek, CA : November 11, 2009 1:23 pm
We’re not doing so well, ladies and gentlemen. We need another couple hundred grand… Posted By Bing : November 11, 2009 2:06 pm
If I match your $250, can I get warrants to buy a bigger share later? Posted By Jeff Chicago, IL : November 11, 2009 2:35 pm
As the CEO of this project, I’ll say yes, Jeff. Posted By Bing : November 11, 2009 2:39 pm
Bing, I didn’t realize that you frequented non-upscale grocery stores for comparison. But I think you miss Mary’s point — the Donald didn’t just GET free advertising, you GAVE it to him. It’s got less to do with how the rich do things than with how the rest of us do things for them. How come we’re so generous to these people? It’s just absurd, if you think about it. Around the end of November, I’m going to be selling an old pick-up truck. Will you provide free advertising? I might even consider selling it for your $250 plus JimBeaux’s $3.22. On the other hand, is this particular jet the one where Trump installed gold-plated faucets in the lavatory? With the price of gold, we could make a wise investment. Posted By Steve, Charleston, WV : November 11, 2009 2:50 pm
what .. do you expect .. it is capitalism .. at its worst. Posted By vinay , niagara on the lake , canada : November 11, 2009 3:39 pm
The bidet itself is a show stopper! Do you know how many people (okay, women) have never enjoyed the thrill of a bidet? Well – - let me tell ya, quite a few! I’m in for $250 – heck with the gifts for the kiddees this Christmas. This’ll be way more fun. Posted By kimmee in cleveland, ohio : November 11, 2009 4:26 pm
Yes, Steve. I will advertise your truck. Posted By Bing : November 11, 2009 4:48 pm
I don’t think I should. Posted By R. Wagoner, Nowheresville, MI. : November 11, 2009 6:47 pm
Bing, we can get AIG to design a special derivative too!!! Posted By John Marc, Nova Scotia : November 11, 2009 7:52 pm
Does it come with parachutes? And I don’t mean golden ones, either. Posted By D.B. Cooper, Columbia River, WA : November 11, 2009 7:57 pm
I’m a former Northwest pilot looking for work. I’m well rested. Need a first seat? Posted By Amelia Earhart, MSP : November 11, 2009 8:01 pm
Rumack: Can you fly this plane, and land it? Striker: Surely, you can’t be serious. Rumack: I am serious and don’t call me Shirley. Posted By Aceof Trump, Atlantic City, N.J. : November 11, 2009 8:15 pm
To the tune of Come Together Heap Big Carbon, It bring cap and trade Buy the Donald’s Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun, Dun …. We buy it, Bing say, one and one and one is three….. Buy the Donald’s Posted By Paul, Miami, Fl. : November 11, 2009 9:38 pm
The fractional jet guys are missing a HUGE opportunity for free advertising (and a cool opportunity to differentiate their service). CNN would definitely run the story. Fractional jets will continue to be a lousy business, but at least they could have some fun with it. And the TRUMP jet would probably be fully booked, just for the novelty factor. Posted By ChicagoSail, Chicago IL : November 11, 2009 10:09 pm
A vintage 1968 jet, for about 4 or more million,,,Geeez Bing,,,if they can get that kinda money for something over 40 years old,,,get me the name and address of the sucker that buys it… 250 bucks won’t go very far,,that’s almost what it cost me to detail and remove the dog hair from my last vehicle,,,Trumps plane will no doubt cost at least that much to clean up.. Posted By Jack Hammond Canada : November 12, 2009 1:44 am
As an American in India, which is according to Indians is THE NEXT ECONOMIC SUPERPOWER, well if they can only get indoor toilets to the 75% of the people who use the great outdoors, I will contribute 100 Rupees -$2 to the fund, on the condition that the plane be used to replace all the Indian Airlines jets that run off the runways on landing. As “You too can be a certified airline pilot in India with 64 hours of total flight time.” Posted By Steve Bangalore : November 12, 2009 5:29 am
Bing, Do you accept 250$ equivalent in Zimbabwe dollars? A nice trillion to add to your project…. Posted By Venky, Singapore : November 12, 2009 10:31 am
We all know of Donald Trump and his likely misadventures. One puzzling question comes to mind about Donald and his Conestoga Wagon, and it could be anybody’s guess: How many times has the DaDonald been enraptured in his Trump wagon, chariot, or whatever you want to call it?? Posted By Bob, Michigan : November 12, 2009 10:55 am
Now we know how you can get to all those personal book signings! Posted By Jim, Winston-Salem, NC : November 12, 2009 11:04 am
A trillion Zimbabwean dollars added to the kitty! Posted By Bing : November 12, 2009 11:04 am
Yes, Jim. You have to contribute to the purchase of the jet. We can all then go on the jet and I will sign my book for you. Posted By Bing : November 12, 2009 11:30 am
I’ll need to stick my head in and check to see if Mike in Spokane is going to pilot it, before I decide to board. Posted By Mike Jackson – Austin, Texas : November 12, 2009 12:57 pm
Dear Mr.Bing: could you find out if that plane could land on short unpaved runways? If yes, I will run out and buy it for myself. That will be the best investment since buying 30-year US treasury in 1980! And yes, you will get 0.5% finder’s fee. Posted By Cash_IsTrash, NYC,NY : November 12, 2009 2:40 pm
I complained to Continental 10 years ago about flying those noisy 727’s — decided I would never fly another. Sorry. No $250. I will not fly one. Even if John Travolta pilots it. Had my fill of them in the 60’s and 70’s. The photo of Trump is classic — nobody else said anything! You found a photo of the muskrat blowing in the wind, showing his male pattern baldness. Hey, male pattern baldness is not the worst thing in the world. The muskrat is. Posted By Bill, Laurel, MD : November 12, 2009 8:35 pm
Are all these people willing to contribute to the purchase possibly doing Mr. Donald an injustice? Surely the altruistic purposes proposed for the plane will move Mr. Donald to benevolently donate it. Has anyone at least asked him? Yeah, I know. “Don’t call me Shirley.” Posted By Ed, Montreal : November 12, 2009 11:03 pm
Bing, Posted By John, Los Angeles CA : November 13, 2009 12:47 am
Bing, you buy the Trunp Wagon. You’ll the ornament and we’ll be the smoke–like the song: “Smoke gets in your eyes”. Being the gentleman that you are, you can give Rosie free shuttle service to Trump’s la la land. Posted By Bob, Michigan : November 13, 2009 7:20 am
I have some beer tent coupons left over from various summer festivals I’m willing to contribute…will that help? Posted By Robbie P, Endicott NY : November 13, 2009 9:32 am
While we were busy with this acquisition, some Canadians bought the Silverdome for about what Bing’s expense account totals for a year. Who’s running this operation, anyway? Posted By Leeroy : November 18, 2009 3:22 pm
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Stanley Bing
Stanley Bing is a Fortune columnist and best-selling author of business books noted for their wisdom as well as their sharp, slightly acrid sense of humor. He is also the only writer on business and the workplace who still puts on a suit and tie and goes to do battle with the dragons that breathe fire at corporate America every day. This blog captures what remains of his brain after it has exploded in all other directions.
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How about jetting around making money for ourselves while losing it for our investors, all while wearing muskrats on our heads?