This news arrived via e-mail just this morning:

Canon USA wants me to Wrap Up All My Holiday Shopping right now, and has many ways for me to save money.

Lulu.com, which helps people make vanity books, has a Cyber-Monday Sale.

Fantagraphic Books, which is a premiere publisher of comics for the intellectually robust, has a 30% off sale on all comix published in 2009.

JetBlue Airways is offering a Great Trio Sale with airfares of $39/$69/$99. My experience with JetBlue sales is that I never qualify for them or am interested in where they are going. My last airfare between New York and San Francisco on JetBlue was more than $400.

Apple is offering Great Pricing on Exclusive Accessories. They must be really great, because they sent me the e-mail twice.

Amazon.com wants me to Give The Gift of Reading with their Kindle.

Sur La Table, which has been contacting me almost daily since I bought four placemats a month ago, wants to offer me an entire 14-pice set of Wusthoff knives for only $119. With free shipping! That’s a good deal. Except I already have that set. Somebody else may need one, though. I’m not sure yet.

Perhaps instead I should get the Supreme Joyful Tidings Gift Tower from Wolferman’s Bakery. I have no idea how I got on their e-mailing list, but they’ve been on my case for a while now. Nice tower.

EBay has Hot Gifts for Stanley Bing for under $50, with Free Shipping also.

Or I could Save 10% off everything at Ace Hardware today only!

Cushman Fruit Company, whoever they are, wants me to know that it’s my Last Chance to Enjoy 25% off on selected gifts, with Free Standard Delivery on Others. Cushman’s spokeslogo seems to be a talking orange.

Red Envelope’s 25% off sale has been extended another 24-hours. This has always appeared to me to be a sign of weakness, but perhaps it was because demand is so high?

The Republic of Tea has holiday news. There are gifts under $15 plus a special holiday offer that I will learn about if I decide to open the e-mail.

PayPal, which is owned by EBay and offers me a way to pay online without much hassle, wants to inform me that there are Cyber Deals from Wal-Mart, plus other holiday offers.

The Museum of Modern Art wants me to shop their Holiday Gift Guide. Members get 20% off Today Only.

And all of that before 7:30 AM Eastern Time. That seems like a lot to me. It’s not even counting the stuff I put an automatic Junk Mail label on, which now resides in my Deleted Files folder, unread. Perhaps I’d better check that now. I don’t want to miss all the opportunities now being offered to me by Walgreens.

CNN Money reports that, according to a survey to be released Tuesday, Internet sales of cars, computers and other retail items will increase by 17% this year in spite of the current economic wilt.

“Retail sales online, excluding travel purchases, are set to grow to $204 billion in 2008 from $174.5 billion last year,” the story goes, “fueled by sales of apparel, computers and autos, according to a survey conducted by Internet analysis firm Forrester Research for Shop.org, the online arm of the National Retail Federation trade group. That projection is below the 21% increase seen in the prior year, but industry officials attribute it to the maturing of the business, not the sluggish economy.”

There are, I think, two factors at play here. The first is my personal experience with Forrester Research, which has always existed to pump up the jam on all new media, offering quote monkeys, studies and other background in support of the digiteri. Sometimes their studies are right. Sometimes they are wrong. But like all consultancies, they tend to tip generously toward the portion of the mercantile animal that’s offering them the greatest nourishment. So I always take such studies with a grain of salt.

Still, the findings make sense. This year, instead of going to bookstores all the time, I’ve shopped on Amazon (AMZN) more often. When I needed film for a retro-photo project I was contemplating, I went to B&H Photo online. I even got my rugs from some guys on E-Bay (EBAY). Paid 99-cents for a beautiful room rug, plus $160 in shipping. Okay, I know they made their money on the shipping, but still… what a deal! And obviously, there’s always the Apple (AAPL) iTunes store, which has probably eliminated all entertainment stores single-handedly. There used to be a big FYE on the corner near my office. Now it’s gone. I’m sure it will be replaced by either a bank or a super drugstore, the two great ubiquities of contemporary urban life.

We are now entering a zone where it’s quite possible that there will be two parallel realities, as there is in a quantum universe. In the real world, the one where real people move about in actual space and spend physical green money to purchase hard objects they carry home with them, there will be a dead economy, with low growth and high unemployment. In the virtual world, however, things will be terrific, as virtual funds rocket across imaginary counters, ringing fictional cash registers while providing digital goods and services. In the real world, the commercial zones of our cities lie empty except for drugstores, banks and chain coffee shops. In the virtual universe, a cornucopia of colorful opportunities await!

Of course, the time may come when we all run out of even virtual money. Then what will we do, I mean… really?

I have an idea to stimulate the economy. This weekend, let’s all go out and spend some money.

Yes, I know a lot of us don’t have as much to spread around as we used to. But usually, we have something. Ten bucks. Twenty. Those who are more fortunate should bear a greater responsibility. I mean, it’s quite clear that putting your money in the bank isn’t as safe as we once thought it was. And the return for that investment, after taxes? It’s barely worth mentioning.

No, far better, I think, to go down to your local retail store and pump some cash back into our mutual economic system. And while I love the big chain stores for convenience and price, I also believe it may be time for us all to start doing our civic duty by supporting the little stores that are more expensive, less convenient, but whose revenue flows into the pockets of Mr. and Ms. Neighborperson.

I know a town, for instance, that had two little bookstores. One day a major chain moved into the strip mall right next door to Little Bookstore #1. Six months later, Little Bookstore #1 had to close. Boo hoo, right? That’s the way it goes. Guess what happened then. The big chain closed the branch that had put Little Bookstore #1 out of business and applied for a permit to open a bigger, newer branch in town. Guess where? Right. Directly across a parking lot from Little Bookstore #2.

The good news is that this particular community is filled with weirdos that hate big corporations, and so Little Bookstore #2 is doing fine so far. And the big chain, I now read, is having trouble in the face on onslaughts from Amazon. So time will tell.

A few years ago, in this same town, there was a hardware store in the main square. It was a funky place and smelled like wet dog and old mustard. A large super-mega-transactional emporium devoted to home improvement moved in not far away. Today the space that was once occupied by that cramped, antiquated hardware store has a swank men’s clothing store in it. A while back I went in and asked them if they had socks. They did indeed. How much were the socks? $40 a pair. I didn’t get any socks.

Thanks to ITunes (AAPL) and Amazon (AMZN), all the music stores are pretty much gone. And there aren’t very many mom-and-pop food stores, either. Those that do exist, however, do tend to offer food that was grown a little closer to home than your average Ring Ding. I hear that can be good for you. In addition to the Ring Dings, of course.

But frankly, I don’t really care where you shop. I don’t really care where I shop. I just plan to try to get out there every day I can and give something back to the system.

This weekend, I think I’ll get some mulch. It’s spring. Who couldn’t use a little mulch? There’s one garden/hardware store not all that far away from us. True, it’s very disorganized there and the employees have been around so long, and are generally so confused and indolent, that you can never find anything. The prices are high. The woman behind the cash register is blind. But it’s been in the same family for generations and there’s a Japanese place next door that we like to go to, owned by a family that I think just got off the boat. If I’m lucky, I’ll get out of the day for under a hundred bucks. That’s sort of what I feel comfortable doing right now. How about you?

Like, if any of you could purchase a couple million American-made cars this weekend, could you please do so? You’d have the thanks of a grateful nation, that’s for sure.