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Wednesday, April 16, 2008 at 10:37 am
It’s an Ask Bing day today. I admit it’s been a little while since I stepped up to the bar and answered some of the many questions that pour into my digital mailbox every day. There are several reasons for this, I think. First, a lot is happening every day that needs scrutiny, and Second, most of what’s going on makes me feel somewhat ill equipped to give advice. I don’t think anybody really knows what’s going on half the time anymore. What kind of directional guidance is worth anything in a sandstorm? That was how I was feeling anyway. Then I dipped into that trove of trouble, anger, humor and resentment that is my e-mail. There I found peace and solace, because you know what? Some things are eternal. GE (GE) may disappoint. Sharper Image may close. But some stuff never ever changes. There will always be violent, abusive, insulting and infantile people who rise to be our bosses, and people to ask Why?… There will always be young folks trying to break into the life of challenge, misery, sleeplessness and glee that is the full-blown business career, each of them with questions on how to kill their elders and move into their ergonomic chairs… There will always be those who allow their jobs to invade their hearts and souls, Prometheans chained to the rock of their employment, condemned to eat their own entrails (or drown them in vodka) for eternity. Thank God for such people! They show us an underlying truth of all human life, one that actually makes me feel good in times of raucous change and confusion like these. And here it is: The more things change, the more they remain the same. To which I say: Viva consistency! Take a look at some other people’s trouble today. You’ll be glad you did.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008 at 11:39 am
I’ll miss you, too, Megan! It’s all so unfair! A social network? Us? Could that be? Every day we have as serious a discussion of current business-related events as the facts warrant! Sure, a lot of the time we focus on the ridiculous and outrageous, but that’s a direct effect of the times in which we live, right? Just look at the following issues we’ve dealt with in recent months:
We’ve covered these terrific business trends and stories just like a responsible information source should, with aplomb, sagacity and no little amount of sang froid. We’ve also looked extensively at your bulls**t jobs and crazy bosses, and even occasionally offered some advice in our Ask Bing sector. And if, in so doing, we have also attracted a witty, savvy, saucy, snazzy, slightly snarky group that get together with some regularity to comment on the general situation? Does that make us a social network worthy of blockage? Well! All I can say is… Thanks for the promotion, IT dudes! Now come on! Free the blog! Lift the blockade! Let freedom ring!
Tuesday, February 26, 2008 at 11:29 am
There’s also another guy who works for a boss who acts like he’s running a mob instead of a corporate function. Anything he can do about it? What do you think?
Friday, February 22, 2008 at 12:47 pm
Beyond that, it only remains to say have a nice weekend… and to get that started, don’t read the business news today. What you don’t know can’t bum you out.
Thursday, January 31, 2008 at 9:44 am
Several other matters of import are discussed. Check it out. On another front, keep an eye on the debate now ongoing in my prior post on silver linings. You may want to weigh in. What’s better for the world? Gigantic multinational corporations whose brands define consumer activity worldwide? Or local businesses which are are a lot less efficient but do have a certain charm and utility? Global? Local? Price or service? We may not have any choice, ultimately, in the way that story goes down. But we might as well talk about it while it’s happening, huh?
Wednesday, January 23, 2008 at 12:19 pm
1. You can cancel all meetings with aggravating people right now unless they are your boss. It’s amazing how many meetings we create with people we’d rather not see for reasons that, once we are at them, are unclear. I believe many of us whip up activity to prove to ourselves and others how non-fungible we are. A little fungibility never hurt anybody, particularly the terminally busy who are already essential in quite enough areas, thank you. Be less fungible. Share your funge. 2. Never write a long e-mail if a gnomic BlackBerry message will do. It’s incredible how many chunks of work can be tossed over the side with a short electronic piffle like, “OK, let’s do that. Can you handle?” If you’re a big player, that’s called delegation. If you’re not, it’s called passing the buck. Either way, it results in less bussitude. 3. Close your door and tell your assistant that you will only be disturbed by a) your boss or b) somebody who is bringing you a hot pastrami sandwich, and nobody else. Your door has to have meaning if you are not to lose your sanity. 4. Take lunch. You won’t be less busy, but you will FEEL less busy. Let me ask you a question. When you eat lunch at your desk, do you end up with less to do after lunch? I’m betting the answer is no. So if you’re going to be screwed up anyhow, why not enjoy a nice, peaceful hour away from the office? Have somebody join you that presents a legitimate opportunity to use your expense account, if you have one. 5. Don’t go on conference calls unless your boss is on it. Isn’t there somebody junior to you in your area? Somebody ambitious, who still believes they get some kind of juice from being on a big ratpack event? Put them on the call. They can be the ones who sit there and twiddle their thumbs while you’re out generating non-fungibility. 6. Schedule an occasional offsite for yourself. Every city has conventions, gatherings, symposia about new technology and other BS you can glom onto. “Where’s Ambruster?” people will say. “Oh, he’s at the global streaming thing at the Hilton,” will come the answer. Smart Ambruster! To be interested in such an arcane issue! 7. Don’t be so friggin’ reachable. A few years ago, I noticed that everybody in LA starts calling New York at exactly the time when we all want to go to lunch. For a long time, I answered their calls and upset my circadean rhythms. Then I thought, “The heck with them,” although perhaps not precisely in those words. “I’ll return their calls tomorrow morning while they’re in the shower.” The bottom line is, just because your phone rings doesn’t mean you have to answer it. CONTROL, guys. It’s the sense of losing it that makes you lose it. 8. At about 4:15, take a look at your To Do list. Anything on it that can be put off until tomorrow? Hold on! Can’t, like 80% of it be put off until tomorrow? Or even the day after tomorrow? That’s right, ladies and gentlemen. It’s called procrastination. It’s divided into three parts: PRE-crastination is all the things you do before you start your serious PRO-crastination which comes right before a good session of POST-crastination. Then you can do whatever it is. Or not. 9. Schedule a meeting with your boss to “go over things.” Anything you do with your boss supercedes in importance anything else you could be doing. If your boss is going out to play golf, accompanying him or her is actually “working” smarter and harder than constructing that spreadsheet you’re supposed to be showing to the Controller next Tuesday. 10. Work faster. Concentrate harder. Clear your platter aggressively. Then rest. Rest is work, too, particularly for those who take it seriously. By the way, the picture you see at the top of this posting is of Mike the Headless Chicken, who lived for eighteen months with his head cut off between 1945 and 1947. Proving, I guess that our kind of lifestyle can go on for a while, but in the end does take its toll.
Thursday, January 10, 2008 at 2:09 pm
There are stupid people everywhere mingled in with the intelligent ones. A lot of the time we have to work for the former, report to them, keep their business, make them happy. If you can’t manage a client who has cheese for brains, how are you to keep your bosses in line, let alone your children and spouses? I’m not in advertising, but I’ve had my share of people who I thought should listen to me instead of marching off a cliff into the ocean. Some of them did and some of them didn’t. Only members of the first group are still around to tell the tale. For while mean people flourish in this world, it’s harder for the operationally dumb. They need our help. And when they don’t take it, well, that’s just a crying shame. How about you? Seen any stupid clients lately? I’m sure some of you are in banking. You might have a few stories to tell.
Tuesday, December 18, 2007 at 2:32 pm
Oh and by the way. We’re working on getting the technology in place so that you can comment on these Ask Bings in situ, but until then, why not use this space? Operators are standing by.
Monday, December 10, 2007 at 1:52 pm
Tomorrow I will discuss the feeling of being stalked by a large financial institution. By then, I should have received at least one and perhaps two additional solicitations in the mail. It’s an interesting feeling, like being held in the grip of a fate that you cannot change or avoid. I don’t like it. But I will enjoy telling you about it. See you then.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007 at 10:25 am
I say “dudes,” dudes, because I have noticed that, far from fading away, the use of surfer lingo in middle-aged business executives is flourishing. You haven’t really lived until you’ve seen a guy in a $2000 pinstripe, $500 wing tips and one hair artfully arranged on his shiny head say, “Dude, awesome weekend.” My favorite comment of the day comes from M. Smith of Colber, Georgia (unless she’s M. Smith Colber, of Georgia), who reminds us that, behind all the headlines, all the business manuals, all the economic analyses of this supposedly rational sub-strata of society, organizational life continues in its eternal dance of madness and complaint. She writes:
I’d be interested to know how M. plans to “deal with her.” And I’m hoping that our ongoing discussion of Crazy Bosses, and the requisite purchase of my book on the subject, helps smooth her way. Beyond that, I’ll just say so long for now. I’ve got a lot on tap today. A subsidiary of a subsidiary of a subsidiary of ours has a product coming out of China that may have a few wrinkles to iron out. I can’t be more revealing than that, except to say that I have every confidence that our Chinese suppliers have operated with nothing but the most rigorous integrity in the matter. Have a good day, dudes!
Monday, November 26, 2007 at 11:12 am
No, wait a minute. At this point, it’s faster. A lot of people worked long and hard behind the scenes to make this elegance and simplicity a reality. Think one of those James Bond movies where a huge team of people swarms an underground complex, each with a white jumpsuit and digital clipboard. It was sort of like that. To kick off the launch of this beautiful new baby, I’ve answered a passel of questions from you guys which will be featured in the Ask Bing section for the next couple of days. Keep those queries coming, by the way. I love to hear about your problems. They perk me up when I’m low. Finally for this rainy, crispy autumn day in New York, I’ll just say Welcome Back to whatever it is you do after the enforced four-day retreat into family life. It’s interesting how much worse Sunday night is than Monday morning. Right now, I’m at my desk, the mail is done. It’s halfway to lunchtime. What was I up at 3 AM about, chewing on the inside of my cheek? Don’t you have that Sunday anxiety meltdown thing? And if not, tell me… why not? Like, how do you keep your mellow from being harshed on a daily/weekly basis? Without booze, I mean.
Wednesday, November 7, 2007 at 10:16 am
Me, I’m headed off on another insane, frenetic, inhuman whirlwind tour of one of our business locations. Get this. Tonight at 9, I head off for London. I’ve got my passport this time. We land around 9 AM, Greenwich mean time. Why they’re always on mean time there I have no idea. Usually we’re not like that except on Mondays and the occasional earnings day. Anyhow, myself and young McTavish will then repair to our hotel, where we will freshen up and await our first meeting. In this case, “freshen up” means to collapse into a pulsating ball of hair and gristle while our bodies attempt to ascertain in which time zone they are attempting to exist. At 2 PM local time, we have our meeting somewhere. At 5 or 6 PM, which is around noon in our regular universe, we will have a bunch of drinks and go to dinner with some other dudes, or in this case blokes, at about 8 PM. Dinner should be over by 11 PM local time, at which point we will go back to our respective hotel rooms and faint. We’ll be up at 2:00 in the morning New York tim |