Word comes today that you find the nearly $20 billion Wall Street paid itself in bonuses (boni?) this year excessive and “shameful.”  I can see where you might think so, unaccustomed as you are to the needs of moguls, executives, lawyers, bankers, traders and other folk whose lifestyles require an annual infusion of cash to keep them going.

There’s so much suffering going on across our nation right now. The maintenance of this form of compensation helps prevent its spread on a much wider scale.

My personal bonus is only a small fraction of that total sum, of course, topping out at no more than several hundred million in this down market. As a consequence I and those like me are tightening our belts and preparing for a long, cold recession. There are those I know on the Street who are right now making plans to eat at home on Friday nights and foregoing the mid-winter vacation to Gstaad. 

My friend Armbruster is a case in point. His base salary is only $1.4 million per year. That may sound like a lot, but it’s well under a million after taxes. On that, he must:

• support two ex-wives and their no-good, live-in boyfriends;
• pay for colleges for his own children and four step-children;
• maintain mortgages and maintenance fees on residences in New York, Los Angeles, Aspen and (for his aging mother) Cabo san Lucas;
• purchase and insure six automobiles for himself, wives, children, etc.;
• treat the extended family to vacations and holiday festivals that are the primary means of keeping members of the extended clan cognizant of each other’s existence;
• have an occasional bit of fun himself.

All without touching his principal, which is invested in financial instruments that, while solid enough, are not bullet-proof in this environment.

Is it any wonder that his face will droop when he sees that his bonus, for which he worked no less hard than last year, has fallen into the mere seven digits? What will his cash flow look like in November?

So please, Mr. President. We in the business community are behind you 100% in your efforts to save our economy with no help from the former party in power. But as you go, please be sensitive to the human cost that you may exact from those who can least afford to bear it.

When I was a lad, my summer camp took us to a farm. We were mostly city kids with a few suburban nerds like me thrown in. We petted the goats. We took a look at the cows being milked by huge machines. Some of us even got to ride on a pony. And then, for the piece the resistance, they took us all back behind the barn to watch a chicken get its head cut off. Why? You tell me.

The farmer explained to us that even after its head was cut off, the chicken wouldn’t know its basic status, and would continue to run around for a while. He seemed to feel this was interesting, if not amusing. So he lined the chicken up on a very scary, very scarred block, and chopped its head off.

Boom! There was a mighty fountain of blood and, as foretold, the surprised chicken hopped to its feet and began to run around the yard. Some people laughed to see such sport. Others simply watched in amazement. After a while the erstwhile chicken stopped running, stood still for a while, then simply tipped over onto one side and, after twitching for a couple of seconds, lay still. Its body had finally recognized its true condition. An organism can live without a brain for only so long.

Which brings me to our economy. About 18 months ago, it seems to have lost its head. Who chopped it off is a matter of conjecture, although all those sharp financial instruments invented by Wall Street were certainly on the scene. One thing is for sure, though. The poor thing is still running around the farmyard without one.

Every day I get to work and see a bunch of news stories from august business magazines, Web sites and papers, tracking various developments, and several dozen chattering analysts reports, all of this activity attesting to the fact that the bloody victim is still racing around as if its head were still on its shoulders. Right now, at this writing, I believe it may be possible that we’re in the phase where the thing is just standing there in shocked stasis, preparing to keel over. It certainly feels that way.

On the bright side, history shows us that it is possible for a chicken to live a long time without its head, as long as a tiny portion of its autonomic system remains intact. It’s never really healthy again, but it can hang around a long time in that condition. So maybe all is not lost.

There is no record, however, of a chicken in this extreme state having its head actually replaced. Who knows, though? If some of our best minds put their heads to the task, maybe it can be done.

We can always, I suppose, enjoy the audacity of hope.

Congratulations, Sir. Welcome to the best/worst job in the world. You wanted it. Now you have it. Fortunately, there are quite obviously no dearth of people willing to help you do it. In this category I not only include the vast team of economists, strategists, political tacticians and assorted experts you have already assembled. You’re lucky enough to possess an entire Verizon-esque network of folks willing to tell you what to do and how to do it. You need to listen to every single one.

For instance, you need to listen to Wall Street. Wall Street knows what to do. Even after all the difficulties it has visited upon our economic system, we’re fortunate in the number of economists, bankers, brokers and investment scientists who have a variety of good advice for you to consider. Just look at all the business sites across the Web for a sampling of their extremely varied opinions. Listen to all of them.

You’ll also want to listen to the electronic and print media. There are so many smart people writing and televising their notions of what you should do. The good news is that the majority of them are 100% with you – just precisely the way they were with Mr. Bush for seven and a half years of his term. How smartly they turned on a dime in the last six months! They’re derisive of him now, you bet. How could anybody have paid any attention to the former president, considering what a fool he was on SO many levels!? On the other hand, you’re much better and smarter, Sir, the media recognizes that bigtime, and has any number of thoughts on what you should do to cement your place in history with them – until they turn against you. To avoid that as long as possible, you should listen to them, too.

Don’t forget all the folks in Congress, of course. They’ve done such a smashing job in the last decade or two. Your colleagues in government on the other side of the aisle, for example, would like to deepen tax cuts on the upper ends of the economic scale, to make sure that whatever is left to trickle down from up there continues to flow as reliably as ever. That sounds like a good idea to a lot of people in business, for sure, even those who were your big supporters.

And don’t forget about all the bloggers out there. Right now, if this nation had as many dollars as we all produce in words every day, we’d all be rich. On the both the left and the right wing, they have quite a bit of advice to offer you every day, and if the center had wings, they’d all be flapping at you as well. And you’d do well to listen.

Finally, there are all the Joes who are continually stepping into the limelight to offer their wisdom. Joe the Plumber is actually a correspondent for somebody right now. Joe Sixpack may even sober up to give you his views. And then there’s John Q. Public. You’ve got to keep them in mind. Listen to them all!

And then, you know what? Do what YOU think is right, okay? Then maybe, just maybe, we’ll all may have a chance, I think.